FEAR OF FAILURE

Did you know that the fear of failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in adult life?

Taken to its extreme, we become totally pre-occupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all other considerations. We are essentially paralyzed from moving forward or taking action.

The experience of the fear of failure is in the words of "I can't", "I can't."

We feel it in the front of the body, starting at the solar plexus and moving up to the rapid beating of the heart, rapid breathing and a tight throat. We also experience this fear in the bladder and a feeling of needing to run to the bathroom.

The Fear of Rejection Holds You Back

The second major fear that interferes with performance and inhibits expression, is the fear of rejection. We learn this when our parents make their love conditional upon our behavior. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and approval. If we do something they don't like, they withdraw their love and approval-which we interpret as rejection.

The Roots of Type A Behavior

As adults, people raised with conditional love become preoccupied with the opinions of others. Many men develop Type A behavior which is characterized by hostility, suspicion and an obsession with performance to some undetermined high standard.

This is expressed in the attitude of "I have to, I have to," and is associated with the feeling that "I have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the boss" who has become a surrogate parent.

The Most Common Trap

More than 99 percent of adults experience both these fears of failure and rejection. They are caught in an endless cycle trap of, "I can't, but "I have to," "I have to," but "I can't."

The Key to Peak Performance

The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character and self-esteem. The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love and self-respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and lose their ability to effect our behavior and our decisions.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence and overcome your fears.

First, realize and accept that you can do anything you put your mind to. Repeat the words, "I can do it! I can do it!" whenever you feel afraid for any reason.

Second, continually think of yourself as a valuable and important person and remember that temporary failure is the way you learn how to succeed.

BRIDGING THE GAP: FROM THEORY TO RESULTS

This week I've been struck by the huge gap between what we
know, and what we do. I was walking through the self-help,
how-to, and "recovery" sections of a local bookstore and
there must have been over a thousand titles, although I
didn't try to count them all.
It hit me that we are far more willing to study "what to
do" or "how to do it" than to truly rock the boat of our
own lives. Theory is always so much easier than action.
Now don't get me wrong! You earned three Master's degrees,
then kept going for  Ph.d. Read every
day and you love books. I love learning! In IMPACT I'm constantly
encouraging you to attend the seminars, hire the coaches,
and do whatever it takes to learn the skills you need.
But the fact remains that knowing "what" to do is very
different than actually doing it.
Sometimes I think there must be a million books and tapes
and classes for sale on the Internet, every one of them
promising to teach you the "secrets" or the "path" to
riches or instant success of one kind of another. And if
you truly do not know the skills or do not have the tools,
you should make the investment.
But. Most of us already either know, or at least have some
clues about what we need to do. How can we get ourselves to
do what we already know?
First, get familiar with the difference between
"Intelligent Choices" and "Automatic Choices."
Intelligent Choices (IC's) are the things you know you
should and ought to do. They are the steps and actions, the
decisions and practices that will take you toward your
goals. They are the steps you wrote down on your goals
sheet, the plans you made, the dreams you dream. They are
easy to think about; but they are NOT habits. They may not
be easy, at least at first. They are obvious, but not
necessarily easy.
Automatic Choices (AC's), on the other hand, are very easy.
They are familiar habits and you've been doing them for
years. Your family and friends "expect" them of you. They
don't cause problems and they don't upset anyone. They
involve no risk, except that they keep you trapped in your
familiar rut.
An IC is to save some of your income and invest for the
future. It's "hard" and may seem uncomfortable. It may
involve sacrifice, but it's a smart thing to do. In
contrast, a common AC is to whip out a credit card for an
impulse purchase, or to pick up take-out because you're
"too tired" to cook.
Here's a suggestion: First thing every morning, take ten
minutes to decide on a few IC's you will do today. Write
them down. Don't make this hard. Rome wasn't built in a
day. Jot down three or four smart things you want to do
today. Then at the end of the day, calmly review your
actions to see if you did them. Be honest. If you didn't do
them, do not beat yourself up! Just tell the truth and re-
commit to doing them tomorrow. If you did them,
congratulate yourself!
Remember, AC's keep us trapped in the "same old, same old."
IC's are the keys that unlock the future. IC's are the
building blocks, the steps or path or recipe to everything
you want in life. Understand the distinction and use it to
your advantage.

WHAT IS YOUR GREAT STRATEGY?

Your "strategy" is simply the plan or steps, or blueprint,
you will use to achieve your goals. The biggest problem I
see as a coach is that most people have wonderful goals but
match them with a terrible strategy! Let's talk about that.
The talk-show host, Clark Howard, quoted a survey
that found almost 20% of Americans feel the "only way to
achieve financial security is by winning a state lottery."
As Clark points out, that is a terrible strategy because
it's flawed on so many levels.
First, you can't win the lottery! Why would anyone play a
game that is scientifically designed to make sure that over
the long-run, you CAN'T win?! And yet gamblers the world
over keep right on playing. (Isn't human behavior
fascinating?)
Secondly, there are so many other strategies that actually
work! Saving ten-percent of your income and investing in
boring old mutual funds will work. Improving your skills
and increasing your income will work. Starting a small
business often works. There are literally millions of
opportunities to become wealthy and they are all around us.
So, what's your strategy for financial independence? Is it
working?
Or, here's another example: Shedding those extra pounds.
The most common strategies I see are: (1) eating less, (2)
eating differently, (3) exercising more, or (4) a
combination of the first three. Any of these strategies
will work, although dieting seems to have the lowest long-
term success. The key question is simply, what is YOUR
strategy for achieving your goal?
Most IMPACT readers know to write down their most
important goals. We have goal-setting books and seminars
and every business focuses on them. Unfortunately, fewer people
follow-up by defining an efficient and effective strategy
for success.
For each of your critical goals, ask yourself these
questions:
1. How have other people done what I want to do?
2. What beliefs, skills and tools did they use? Do I have
(or can I get access to) similar beliefs, skills and tools?
3. Who will help me along the way? Do I have a MasterMind
Alliance to support me?
4. Given my current situation, what three steps can I take
today? How can I get started?
You may want to think about the most difficult problem
you'll face and make plans to over-come it. You may need to
acquire capital or other resources. How will you do that?
Let me repeat, many people have wonderful goals but use
ineffective strategies to pursue them. I like the saying
that "hope is not a strategy," and similarly, I observe
that counting on "making a killing" or waiting for "luck"
to come your way is rarely effective.
Take time to develop an elegant strategy. Get a coach or
mentor to show you the way. Use a map, or design a
blueprint. Whatever you call it (I sometimes use the term,
"recipe") figure out how you will get from where you are to
where you want to be a year from now. Then, day by day,
work your plan. I know of no other reliable way to
transform your life.

FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING IN A WORLD OF CHANGE

This week I attended a training for the local electric utility
on the skills and resources for thriving in a world of
constant change.
What struck me is that I never thought about a utility
having to cope with "too much change!" It's not like we're
going to stop using electricity or their customers are all
going to a competitor! They dam a river that's been around
for a million years, they make electricity, send it through
the power grid and bill their customers. How stable is
that?!
Yet even the electric utility industry is swamped by
change. People come and go. Regulations, standards and new
software over-whelm them. And of course, there is
competition from other energy sources, so even in the
stable world of electric energy, the stress is enormous.
How about in your world?
Constant change both thrills and threatens us. We love the
new opportunities, but too often we end up running as fast
as we can just to stay even. New competitors, new tools and
new skills challenge us every week. I'm typing this on my
brand new laptop and I love it! But it's taken me three
days just to configure the stupid thing, and it still
doesn't "look and feel" quite right! Change is the constant
in our world.
Here's the thing: We want to grow and develop! We want new
tools, new adventures and new resources. Most of the time,
we welcome change with open arms. But, sometimes it's just
too much. We've become infatuated with anything "new"
whether it enriches our lives or not.
Sometimes the "old" is good enough. Sometimes the familiar
is more comfortable and actually more effective. I have a
friend who uses an old-fashioned slide-rule partly for the
nostalgia, but also because it's faster than doing
calculations on his computer. Sometimes, the old is good.
Here are three suggestions for thriving on change:
1. Maintain lots of "personal bandwidth." That means
taking superb care of yourself! People who are happy,
healthy and rested simply do better than people who are
tired, hungry, stressed or worried. Practice extreme self-
care. Maintain your personal bandwidth.
2. Celebrate the Big Picture. Know what's going on and
understand the context of your world. Remember, some people
lead, other's follow, and some just don't have a clue. Be a
leader! And that means seeing the big picture, knowing
where your world is going, and being out in front.
3. Invest in Tools. Knowledge and skills matter! The more
you know about your industry and what's happening (and
who's leading), the more options you have. Remember,
"leaders are readers." And I love the quote from
Buckminster Fuller: "You can't learn less."