The most
important single role of parenting is to love and nurture your children
and to build in them feelings of high self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you raise your children feeling terrific about themselves, and full
of eagerness to go out and take on the world, then you have fulfilled
your responsibility.
Why Parents Don't Love Enough
There are two
major reasons for the failure by parents to love their children enough.
First, the parents do not love themselves. Parents with low self-esteem
have great difficulty giving more love to their children than they feel
for themselves. The second reason that parents don't love their children
enough is they often have the mistaken notion that their children exist
to fulfill their expectations.
Children are Not Property
The starting
point of raising super kids is to realize that your children are not
your property. Your children belong to themselves. They are a gift to
you from high above, and a temporary gift at that.
Children are a Precious Gift
When you look
at your children as precious gifts that you can only enjoy for a short
time, you see your role as parents differently. When you celebrate and
encourage the special nature and personality of your child, he or she
grows like a flower in sunshine. But if you try to get your child to be
something he or she is not, your child's spirit will wither like a leaf
on a tree in autumn.
Love Makes the Difference
The most
important consideration in raising super kids is the amount of love they
receive. Children need love like flowers need water. A continuous flow
of love and approval from the parent to the child is the child's
lifeline to emotional and physical health. Love deprivation is surely
the most serious problem that a child can suffer during his or her
formative years.
Unconditional Love and Acceptance
Make it clear
to your child that nothing he or she does could ever cause you to love
him or her less than 100%. The most wonderful gift you can give your
child is the absolute conviction that you love him or her completely,
without reservation, no matter what he or she does and no matter what
happens.
Praise and Encouragement
Give your
children continual praise and encouragement for the positive things they
do, even small things. Praise and reinforce what you would like to see
repeated. Praise them to build their self-esteem and self-confidence.
Action Exercise
Ask yourself what it would be like to be your own child.
Put yourself
in the position of your children, and then evaluate yourself as a
parent. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What do you do well and
what do you do poorly? What are some of the things that you do that
might be causing your children to grow up with lower self-esteem than
you would like?
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