HOW TO SET (AND ACHIEVE!) BETTER GOALS

I've talked a lot about goals this summer, and I'm
encouraging every reader to set (and achieve!) a
specific, measurable, powerful set of goals this fall. Do
not let this year wind down or peter out! You can transform
your life, your relationships, career, health, even your
income in a few short months with the right skills and
clear, specific, focused actions. Let's make sure 2014 goes
out with a celebration worthy of us!
But, most folks do not know how to set and achieve powerful
goals. And surprisingly, this is true even for people who
have read the books, attended the seminars, or set and
achieved goals in the past.
Recently, I've had extended conversations with two clients
about "how" to set goals. Both of these people are talented
leaders in the business world. Both have achieved great
things in the past. But in both cases, my request to set
specific, action-oriented goals for the fall was met with
requests for help in doing that.
So, let's begin with two clarifications.
First, some people have a very difficult time setting goals
the way it is usually taught. Goal-setting tends to be a
"left brain" or "linear" planning process. It's organized
and systematic, and that does not fit everyone's thinking
process or lifestyle. For these people, over the years I've
developed the phrase, "Direction and Momentum are more
important than Goals!"
If your pattern is more global or "holistic," that's great!
Just translate what follows into your preferred language or
personal style. No problem!
Second, goals are inherently "future oriented." They
challenge us to change the way we are into something "new
and improved" in the future. And not everyone wants you to
change! But let's be clear. Life is about change. And,
don't forget--transforming how you think, live and work
won't keep you from returning to the way you live now. You
can always do that! Goal-achievement is about giving yourself
more options and better alternatives.
With that said, I see goal-setting as a four-step process:
1.  What do you really, truly want? Be specific and write
it all down. What do you want? More of this, less of that?
What would be good or exciting or healthy or make you
happy? List it all. What, specifically and exactly, do you
want to change in the next three months?
2.  Why do you want it? In terms of achievement, reasons
are far more important than the "what." When you want
something passionately, even desperately, you are half-way
to obtaining it. Knowing how a specific goal will make life
better for you or your loved ones is essential. A goal
without a solid, exciting "why" is, in most cases, a waste
of time and effort.
3.  Prioritize. Many people have noted, "You can have
anything you want in life, but not everything you wish
for." Most people cannot focus on more than two or three
important goals at a time. So whittle your list down! Pick
the one, two or three things that have the most, or the
most powerful, REASONS and make a commitment to focus on
those few items.
4.  You need a plan! "A goal without a plan is just a
pipedream." You'll need a schedule and a budget. You'll
need time and skills, energy and tools. You'll need the
cooperation of people in your life, and a strong sense of
personal discipline. You'll need to practice your Italian
every morning at 6:00 AM. You'll need to make those extra
sales calls every Monday. Or, the new rule is, "dessert
happens only on the weekends."
There are some other items that may prove helpful. You may
need to consciously decide to eliminate or stop some things
you do now. You may need to clear time and space and energy
to work on your new goals. I highly recommend a MasterMind
team, a partner or a coach, to assist you. In some cases,
you may need to explain to friends or loved ones that your
priorities have changed and ask them to support you.
But the four items above are the core. What do you want,
and why do you want it? What, exactly, are your priorities
and what's your plan or schedule? That's about all there is
to goal-setting. When you have these four things, you are
on your way! Set your goals for the rest of the year!

Let's make this year's Thanksgiving worth celebrating!

AFFAIRS: 8 REASONS WHY THEY HAPPEN

For most of us when we sign up for marriage or a long term relationship are doing so hoping and trusting that it will be a monogamous relationship; so if we discover an affair it is a huge betrayal of that bond and trust with devastating effects on us and the relationship.
An affair certainly signals that there is a problem in the relationship, but most affairs are symptoms rather than the cause of the problems.
A key question to ask is “What problem in your relationship did the affair solve?”
I have found that there are actually 8 types of affairs each with their own reasons. They are:
1. The Hold my hand to leave Affair . This usually happens when a partner feels they have had enough of their relationship and is looking to set up another one because they are no longer emotionally connected or committed to their current partner. It provides someone to hold their hand as they exit their relationship.
2. The 2nd wife or husband Affair. This is usually a long term affair that the partner knows about. When pressures get too much to handle in a relationship, one partner has an affair which gives him/her an emotional safety valve and relieves this pressure, and then the couple can spend their time wrangling about his/her unfaithfulness, rather than the original issues.
3. The We are just Good friends Affair. This occurs when you start out as friends or colleagues sharing more and more personal information over time, and from there something more sexual develops.
4. The Revenge Affair. This is usually a short affair, but comes about because one partner has been hurt or betrayed, often by their partner being unfaithful. It can be experienced as a way to re-establish a sense of self esteem, or of a way to express their deep hurt for what their partner has done.
5. The Now you will notice me Affair. This usually happens as a result of trying to communicate unhappiness in the relationship to your partner but feeling that you haven't been heard.This can be either a sexual one night stand, or even an emotional affair, and is an attempt to communicate to your partner that things aren't right for you when talking hasn't worked. The partner is not looking to leave the relationship, but to wake up the partner.
6.The Avoidance affair. This occurs as a way to avoid intimacy and commitment in your relationship. Usually one affair follows another as a continuing way of avoiding being close and vulnerable with your partner. Or it can occur when you feel that you can't deliver what your partner is asking for. For some, this can feel like a kind of addiction, as you know you shouldn't be having affairs, but can't seem to stop.
7.The Experimental Sex affair. This is usually just about sex. Often if a couple has not had any or many sexual partners before the relationship, and/or the sex has become very limited and routine, a partner will feel tempted to discover what sex would be like with another person. The person having the affair can feel like it it meaningless sex, but this is not usually how the partner will view it.
8.The Opportunistic Affair. Usually this is a sexual encounter that happens usually after drinking too much, where you find yourself together and often away from home, or given in to a seduction from a friend or acquaintance; or it could be an on-line contact where things have started seemingly harmlessly but have moved into something more erotic. This kind of affair can feed the ego, allowing you to feel good about yourself and attractive and sexy, but is usually the most quickly regretted.
No matter how and why they occur, affairs always have emotionally devastating effects on a couple's relationship.
With help from an experienced relationship counsellor, couples can learn about the reasons behind the affair and gradually repair their relationship, and with a commitment from each partner, can in time use this experience as a catalyst to create an even better relationship than they had before.
This takes time and commitment, but overwhelmingly, couples who have taken this path are extremely satisfied with their relationship at the end of the period, and have found it is in fact, work worth doing.

WHY GET RICH WHEN YOU CAN BE WEALTHY?

“Any fool can get rich, the wise get wealthy.” Chris Widener

Getting rich is the main goal for a lot of people. That is unfortunate however, because there is something so much greater than simply the accumulation of money. Now don’t get me wrong – I am not saying people shouldn’t have large sums of money. In fact, I believe greatly in the power of money for good when in the hands of the right people. I think money is simply a tool that people can use to do great things – or bad things.

What is unfortunate is that so many people give up so much else in life in order to get those large sums of money. First of all, let me explain my quote about rich fools. Just turn on the TV or read a popular magazine and you will find lots of rich fools. You will see people with tons of money but who have no happiness, have drug problems and who leave behind them a string of broken relationships. These people are rich, not wealthy.

Rich people are people with lots of money. Wealthy people are people who are rich in life. This would include financial stability and freedom, but goes deeper into spiritual health, emotional and relational health, and of course physical health.

I think getting rich is easy. It is simply a discipline that anyone can do if they so choose. There are many examples of people who have made very little money who have left vast fortunes. Spend less than you earn, save more than you spend. Put what you spend into an interest bearing investment.

Do this over a long period of time and you will get rich.

Wealthy? That is something altogether different. I have found that in most cases you must give up some wealth to get the riches. I know many rich people and very few of them are people who I would call wealthy. Most of them sacrificed their families, their health or their relationships as they pursued the accumulation of riches. The fact is that it takes time to make money. And every moment of time you spend in the pursuit of money is a moment of time taken from something else that would make you wealthy in life.

So let me ask you: Are you on the fast track toward riches? Or are you on the long-track toward true wealth?

Are you being wise with your finances so as to secure long-term financial stability and independence? I hope so, because that is certainly a part of being wealthy.

 Are you investing in those closest to you? I hope so! The fact is that when you lay on your deathbed, it won’t matter how much money you have. The grim reaper doesn’t need any more money and so he can’t be bought with yours! The only thing that will matter are those faces that surround you, the looks of love they give you, and the memories you have of good times spent with them.

Are you taking good care of yourself physically? I hope so because if you don’t, you won’t get the mileage out of it that you were intended too! Physical health is part of being wealthy!

Are you taking care of your spiritual life? I hope so because I don’t think there are any more important questions we can answer than those who’s answers will play themselves out for eternity. In my mind, spiritual questions make all the others seem like child’s play. Are you taking good care of yourself emotionally? I hope so because it is your internal state that will give you the energy you are looking for to live long and the peace to enjoy that life of yours.

 All in all, I have decided that I don’t want to stoop to being rich. That is too low of a goal for me. I want to be wealthy – financially yes, but not to the exclusion of my body, soul and spirit. Not to the exclusion of deep and meaningful relationships with my friends and family. How about you? Will you be rich or wealthy?

 

LEARNED ANYTHING NEW?

We constantly hear that we live in the information age and 
that what you know and who you know are the twin paths to 
success. I believe that, and yet I'm constantly amazed at 
how little responsibility people take for up-grading their 
skills. 
Recently, I learned that the garage where people take their cars 
when it needs work, requires their employees to spend more 
hours (and more dollars) per year on continuing education 
than most states require for doctors, lawyers, or other 
professionals. Think about that the next time you take your 
car in for repairs--or have to pay the bill!
Periodically I hear frightening accounts of how few books 
the average person reads, or how few classes they take 
after they leave school. I remember once hearing a friend 
say that if her employer wanted her to get more education, 
"they’ll have to pay me for it." What a tragic attitude!
Increasingly the keys to success are being able to do more, 
quicker and better than your competition, and most of the 
time that means KNOWING more than the next person. It means 
knowing more about language and culture, knowing more about 
your industry and having better contacts. It means knowing 
HOW to learn, and using that knowledge to your advantage.
As Brian Tracy has said for years, read the books. Attend 
the seminars. Take the classes and expand your world. The 
late Jim Rohn famously put it this way: "Work harder on 
yourself than you do on your job."
To work less and earn more, you've got to know more than 
your competitors. This week, sign up for at least one 
seminar. Check a book out of the library. Sow the seeds for 
your future.