Good communication is not rocket science. It's also not 'painting by numbers' where people have to learn a set of techniques. It's not enough to learn some skills. The key to good communication is not just having good communication skills, but also having self-awareness. Why do you react and behave the way you do? What motivates your actions?
A cardinal problem at the root of conflict between people is the belief that the other person "makes you feel xyz". Eleanor Roosevelt already stated "Nobody can make you feel anything without your consent!" That leads us to the...
Golden Rule No. 1: It's not about you!
What someone else says or does to your is never about you! Don't take what another person says personally! You only run the risk to become defensive and the situation will most likely escalate into a conflict. People only communicate from their own history and their own needs. What can you do? Look for the deeper, underlying meaning of the communication. What is the other person's need?
Mastering rule no. 1 is certainly not easy. To be self-aware enough and detached enough to not be offended, defensive, or reactive when accused by someone (i.e. "you make me angry")takes knowing yourself very well. It means that you need the skill to reflect on your actions, the other person's actions, and on the dynamics created amongst them.
Golden Rule No. 2: Listen - Listen - Listen!
Many people think that communicating is mostly about telling other people about yourself. They talk and talk about themselves. Being in love with their own voice, they don't notice that they may come across as a self-obsessed person. What they totally overlook is that the most important part in communicating is listening. Listening is not just waiting for your turn to speak. By listen actively you show the other person you care. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. It is one of the most healing and soothing experiences you can provide.
Do you struggle with listening skills? One of the best listening skills is "Active Listening". When you go to my website http://gudrunfrerichs.com you will find examples about how to listen actively.
Golden Rule No. 3: Don't treat an assumption as a fact!
People often have an idea about what they think is going on for the other person and don't think for a moment to check their assumption out. For example "He doesn't ring, that means he doesn't love me. If he would love me, he would know how important it is for me that he rings". Well, sometimes somebody not ringing just means they didn't ring. You have to check it out with the other person. Don't act upon the story you have made up in your head. We usually call that a 'Fairy Tale'.
Rule no. 3 is certainly not easy to master. Most people are convinced that their evaluation of an incident is right. On top of that they are usually so insecure and have such low self-esteem that they can't bear not to be right. So they end up in a "Yes you have - no I haven't - yes you have - no I haven't" conversation that leads to nothing but frustration.
Golden Rule No. 4: Be clear when you ask for something.
George Bernhard Shaw said "The problem with communication is that people believe it has already happened". Indeed, a person may say "I need much more support from you" and thinks they have been perfectly clear about their request. Yet support could mean a million things to a million people. It's great to communicate a need (i.e. support, connection, peace, warmth, space).For the other person to know how you would like to be supported for example, you will have to request a specific action "could you go with me to the dentist?" Remember, the other person is not a mind-reader.
I am convinced that half of the problems between couples or friends are based on people expecting the partner to know what they mean. It's almost as if they want to go back to the time of being a 3 months old infant whose mother intuits all the time what it is the baby needs. They forget that it's easy to do for new mothers considering the needs of the baby being limited to food, rest, warmth, and caring touch. Guessing adult needs in similar ways is impossible!
Golden Rule No. 5: Focus on what you want!
Be mindful of how you express your wishes and your requests. A mistake often made is that people express their wishes in negative forms and then expect the other person to know what they want. "I don't want you to use this phone". It's like going into a restaurant and ordering "I don't want spaghetti". Well, you better express what you want and not what you don't want if you don't want to go home hungry.
It is surprising how often people talk about the things they don't want rather than saying what it is they want. How about you do a small private research project and observe for a week or two how often you or someone else focuses on what they don't want?
Golden Rule No. 6: Making "I-statements!"
You've heard it all! Making "I-statements" is the bread-and-butter of communication skills. Yet it is astounding how many people don't follow that rule. When they share their experiences they rather use the non-committal 'you' and thereby communicate their experience from a once-removed position. Making "I-statements" is far more intimate and both you and the person you communicate with will be more connected to what you chose to share.
Making "I-statements" is far more difficult than people normally think. Consider the following statement: "You can't get by on the benefit" and then try on for size "I can't get by on the benefit". A very, very different kettle of fish.
Golden Rule No. 7: Learn about yourself!
When we communicate with another person we cannot not be influenced by our personal experiences. If you want to relate to the person that is standing in front of you, you need to know which of your feelings and perceptions belong to that person and to the here and now, and which of them belongs to people and experiences from your past. If you struggle more often with communication issues, it might be a good idea to see a counselor or psychotherapist to help you to understand the link between your current reactions and your past experiences.
Master these Golden Rules and you will become a master of communication in no time!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
4 KEYS TO BUSINESS SUCCESS
Most business leaders love what they do and focus on their
professional skills. That’s a great beginning, but it does
NOT necessarily lead to business (or professional) success.
Being a skilled physician, sales manager or attorney is not
enough unless the world knows about you, knows how to find
you, and is willing to hire you. Here are four keys that can
help with that process:
1. Specialize until you are the best! Being good is rarely
good enough. Go beyond very good to extreme proficiency!
Choose a specialty that excites you, one you can develop for
a lifetime, and become the BEST at it. Exceptional skill is
costly, necessary, and worth it!
2. Understand and communicate with a precisely chosen
audience. I work with professionals on business
development (my specialty) and my first niche were my
colleagues in the IT field. After that, I found niches
with real estate and insurance professionals. That gave me
one specialty, and three niches where I could effectively
market my services. Who are your best customers?
3. The Law of "Enough." You must communicate with your
target audience until enough of them hire you. Depending on
how persuasive you are, you may need to reach only a few
colleagues. Or, you may need to reach thousands, or even
millions of potential customers. How will you do that?
Advertising works; so does networking. I enjoy writing
and using the Internet. How will you reach "enough" of your
audience?
4. Persistence. There are very few over-night wonders, and
the ones we hear about have usually been building their
businesses in the shadows for 20 years. High levels of
success usually require time, energy, effort,
experimentation and adjustment. And, it requires hard work!
In the end, persistence pays!
Invest in yourself--get a coach! Every top athlete,
entertaner, and business leader has a coach (or several of
them) and they depend on the feedback, encouragement, advice
and the support to hone their skills, maintain focus, and
give them the tools they need. Top performers know this! Yet
millions of people still try to compete with the best in
their field by going in alone! Don't do that to yourself! To
be your best, use a personal coach.
professional skills. That’s a great beginning, but it does
NOT necessarily lead to business (or professional) success.
Being a skilled physician, sales manager or attorney is not
enough unless the world knows about you, knows how to find
you, and is willing to hire you. Here are four keys that can
help with that process:
1. Specialize until you are the best! Being good is rarely
good enough. Go beyond very good to extreme proficiency!
Choose a specialty that excites you, one you can develop for
a lifetime, and become the BEST at it. Exceptional skill is
costly, necessary, and worth it!
2. Understand and communicate with a precisely chosen
audience. I work with professionals on business
development (my specialty) and my first niche were my
colleagues in the IT field. After that, I found niches
with real estate and insurance professionals. That gave me
one specialty, and three niches where I could effectively
market my services. Who are your best customers?
3. The Law of "Enough." You must communicate with your
target audience until enough of them hire you. Depending on
how persuasive you are, you may need to reach only a few
colleagues. Or, you may need to reach thousands, or even
millions of potential customers. How will you do that?
Advertising works; so does networking. I enjoy writing
and using the Internet. How will you reach "enough" of your
audience?
4. Persistence. There are very few over-night wonders, and
the ones we hear about have usually been building their
businesses in the shadows for 20 years. High levels of
success usually require time, energy, effort,
experimentation and adjustment. And, it requires hard work!
In the end, persistence pays!
Invest in yourself--get a coach! Every top athlete,
entertaner, and business leader has a coach (or several of
them) and they depend on the feedback, encouragement, advice
and the support to hone their skills, maintain focus, and
give them the tools they need. Top performers know this! Yet
millions of people still try to compete with the best in
their field by going in alone! Don't do that to yourself! To
be your best, use a personal coach.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
SIX BIG MYTHS ABOUT TESTIMONIALS
In a competitive marketplace it's important to use every tool in your sales toolbox to help drive more revenue into your business. Testimonials are, by far, one of the most cost-effective tools at your disposal in that regard. Think about all the great ways they can serve you and your business. In good times and in tough times, testimonials are in abundant supply, they cost next to nothing to procure and they have a shelf life that exceeds just about any other marketing collateral out there.
Given these great benefits, you might wonder why they're still underused by many sales people today. I sure do, and it's something I regularly ask of people I meet when conducting sales training sessions: what's your testimonial strategy...and if you don't have one, why not? Over the years, I've listened to a lot of answers to those questions from a range of people in organizations large and small. What I have found at the heart of the problem is that testimonials are often underestimated because incorrect assumptions are made either in the process of collecting them or in how they are used to promote a business.
There are six big myths about testimonials. Let's review them now...
1. "They can't be all that effective or everyone would be using them"
This is one of the biggest mistakes anyone in sales can make, to assume that success is about doing what everyone else is doing. In fact, success hinges on being choosy about whose business habits you should emulate. Never mind what the majority of people are doing; pay careful attention to what the top 20% of sales performers are up to. Regular collection and distribution of testimonials is right up there among the list of activities that top salespeople have in common. They rely on testimonials because they really do work, and they work because they are persistent in how they solicit them, publish them and leverage them in their selling strategy.
2. "I shouldn't have to ask my customers for testimonials"
This is another common mistake that takes root from an incorrect assumption, namely that salespeople should wait for their satisfied customers to make the first move and offer up glowing testimonials. That's not to say that this never happens in business--hey it sure is a great shot in the arm when someone offers one that's unsolicited--but the reality is that testimonials simply aren't going to come knocking on your door. You have to go looking for them. You have to ask. And you have to persistent about it. If you're ambitious and keen to become part of the top-20% of sales performers in your organization, you need to make this an integral part of your job. No excuses.
3. "Asking for testimonials will make me look like I'm fishing for compliments"
Let's consider this one a half-myth. I say this because it's true that when you ask for a testimonial you're essentially asking customers to say something positive about you and about your business. The myth is that there's something wrong with doing this. Come on, let's face facts. When it comes to your business and your personal success as a salesperson, it's not the time to be modest! You work hard to provide your customers with your very best, both in terms of sales professionalism and in after-sales service. Your best customers call on you again and again...and they do so for a reason. So why wouldn't you want to ask them for some insight to learn more about what it is specifically that you do that keeps them coming back?
4. "People often don't make good on their promise because they don't really want to write that testimonial"
This is classic negative thinking. It starts from the false premise that when someone doesn't follow through on a promise it's because they don't really want to do what you've asked them to do. As a result your self-esteem takes a hit needlessly. In fact, there's really only one reason why people don't give you that testimonial even though earlier they said they would...and that's because they don't have time. Time management is a struggle even for the best of us out there and many, to be frank, find themselves at a loss for what to write even though verbally they sing your praises regularly. It's vital that you not lose sight of this when it happens--and it will. Your customers really do like you: it's just that not everyone knows how to express it. This is where Engage Selling's newest product, TestimonialDirector, can really help make a difference in your business, helping to dramatically increase your sales while freeing your time with automatic collection, management and publication of targeted testimonials.
5. "Testimonials are just too much work"
There's no denying that a little bit of effort goes into regularly asking for testimonials and publishing them so that others can read all the great praise about your work. However, are they worth the effort? You bet they are. Obtaining a testimonial can be as easy as picking up the phone and calling one of your favorite clients and simply asking them for one. Do that often enough and be persistent about it and before long, you will have amassed a considerable arsenal of word-of-mouth recommendations that you can use in your marketing sales letters, brochures, corporate website, newsletters...the list of possibilities is endless. The payoff for your efforts can be lucrative and ongoing. If you can convert one potential lead into a sale on the strength of what others have to say about your product or services, you can sure that there are exponentially more potential customers out there who will be just as receptive to the power of word-of-mouth.
6. "People are wary of taking the word of a stranger"
Nothing could be further from the truth! Human beings are social creatures and we're hardwired to pay careful attention to what others do and say. Consider the results of a 2007 Neilsen study, which found that roughly four of every five consumers perceive recommendations by fellow consumers as the most credible form of advertising.{source} Testimonials give your readers both an emotion-based and fact-based green light, motivating them to buy from you. Therefore, the more often you seek out great recommendations about your work, the most often you will have the opportunity to sell more to more people in less time.
Tackle these six testimonial myths in your own organization and develop a testimonial procurement strategy. Make this a priority for the year. Not only can it translate into skyrocketing sales, you'll get a great feeling inside knowing how much all your customers really do enjoy working with you.
Given these great benefits, you might wonder why they're still underused by many sales people today. I sure do, and it's something I regularly ask of people I meet when conducting sales training sessions: what's your testimonial strategy...and if you don't have one, why not? Over the years, I've listened to a lot of answers to those questions from a range of people in organizations large and small. What I have found at the heart of the problem is that testimonials are often underestimated because incorrect assumptions are made either in the process of collecting them or in how they are used to promote a business.
There are six big myths about testimonials. Let's review them now...
1. "They can't be all that effective or everyone would be using them"
This is one of the biggest mistakes anyone in sales can make, to assume that success is about doing what everyone else is doing. In fact, success hinges on being choosy about whose business habits you should emulate. Never mind what the majority of people are doing; pay careful attention to what the top 20% of sales performers are up to. Regular collection and distribution of testimonials is right up there among the list of activities that top salespeople have in common. They rely on testimonials because they really do work, and they work because they are persistent in how they solicit them, publish them and leverage them in their selling strategy.
2. "I shouldn't have to ask my customers for testimonials"
This is another common mistake that takes root from an incorrect assumption, namely that salespeople should wait for their satisfied customers to make the first move and offer up glowing testimonials. That's not to say that this never happens in business--hey it sure is a great shot in the arm when someone offers one that's unsolicited--but the reality is that testimonials simply aren't going to come knocking on your door. You have to go looking for them. You have to ask. And you have to persistent about it. If you're ambitious and keen to become part of the top-20% of sales performers in your organization, you need to make this an integral part of your job. No excuses.
3. "Asking for testimonials will make me look like I'm fishing for compliments"
Let's consider this one a half-myth. I say this because it's true that when you ask for a testimonial you're essentially asking customers to say something positive about you and about your business. The myth is that there's something wrong with doing this. Come on, let's face facts. When it comes to your business and your personal success as a salesperson, it's not the time to be modest! You work hard to provide your customers with your very best, both in terms of sales professionalism and in after-sales service. Your best customers call on you again and again...and they do so for a reason. So why wouldn't you want to ask them for some insight to learn more about what it is specifically that you do that keeps them coming back?
4. "People often don't make good on their promise because they don't really want to write that testimonial"
This is classic negative thinking. It starts from the false premise that when someone doesn't follow through on a promise it's because they don't really want to do what you've asked them to do. As a result your self-esteem takes a hit needlessly. In fact, there's really only one reason why people don't give you that testimonial even though earlier they said they would...and that's because they don't have time. Time management is a struggle even for the best of us out there and many, to be frank, find themselves at a loss for what to write even though verbally they sing your praises regularly. It's vital that you not lose sight of this when it happens--and it will. Your customers really do like you: it's just that not everyone knows how to express it. This is where Engage Selling's newest product, TestimonialDirector, can really help make a difference in your business, helping to dramatically increase your sales while freeing your time with automatic collection, management and publication of targeted testimonials.
5. "Testimonials are just too much work"
There's no denying that a little bit of effort goes into regularly asking for testimonials and publishing them so that others can read all the great praise about your work. However, are they worth the effort? You bet they are. Obtaining a testimonial can be as easy as picking up the phone and calling one of your favorite clients and simply asking them for one. Do that often enough and be persistent about it and before long, you will have amassed a considerable arsenal of word-of-mouth recommendations that you can use in your marketing sales letters, brochures, corporate website, newsletters...the list of possibilities is endless. The payoff for your efforts can be lucrative and ongoing. If you can convert one potential lead into a sale on the strength of what others have to say about your product or services, you can sure that there are exponentially more potential customers out there who will be just as receptive to the power of word-of-mouth.
6. "People are wary of taking the word of a stranger"
Nothing could be further from the truth! Human beings are social creatures and we're hardwired to pay careful attention to what others do and say. Consider the results of a 2007 Neilsen study, which found that roughly four of every five consumers perceive recommendations by fellow consumers as the most credible form of advertising.{source} Testimonials give your readers both an emotion-based and fact-based green light, motivating them to buy from you. Therefore, the more often you seek out great recommendations about your work, the most often you will have the opportunity to sell more to more people in less time.
Tackle these six testimonial myths in your own organization and develop a testimonial procurement strategy. Make this a priority for the year. Not only can it translate into skyrocketing sales, you'll get a great feeling inside knowing how much all your customers really do enjoy working with you.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
KEEPING YOUR MIND TUNED FOR SUCCESS
Absolutely no one can overestimate the power of the mind and its role in our success! It is imperative to keep our minds right and on the right track if we are to achieve balanced success in our career, finances, health, emotions, relationships and spiritual lives.
The analogy I would like to use here is one of a radio station. For example, there may be a "Success" station. But the only way you can hear a radio station is to be tuned into it. Even a little off and you can't get the full effect.
The same is true with our mind and success. If our minds and our thoughts get sidetracked, our success will get sidetracked. As our minds stay tuned to "success" our bodies will then carry out our success and we will begin to experience abundance!
So here are some ways to keep tuned into success!
Use your innate ability to decide and choose.
One of the things that separates us from the animals is that we live not by instinct, but by choice. Constantly flexing that muscle of choice builds it up and keeps us on track for success. It is like working out. They more we do, the stronger we get. The more "fit" we get. Want to keep your mind tuned for success? Keep it healthy by making good choices and decisions on a regular basis. For example, do you have a bad habit? Then flex your mind muscle and choose to change - today. If you choose to stay the same way (and those are the only two alternatives) you will have just chosen to tune your mind to a different station than "success."
Put good stuff into your brain.
There are lots of things that want to work their way into our minds (and eventually work themselves out again in our actions). There will be lots that we just get from walking around all day. But what about what we put in on purpose? We can choose to put good stuff in on a regular basis. Do you take time each day to put good things into your mind, to tune into success? Here are two things to consider when you are choosing what to put into your mind: First, is it positive? Will it build you up or tear you down? Will it make you a better person, or lesser? Will you grow from it or not? Will it tune you to success or not? Secondly, Will it move you toward your goals in the areas of your life that you want to see success and abundance in?
Keep the junk out.
Like I mentioned above, there will always be junk floating around, like a fellow employee who gripes all the time. But what surprises me is how many people who want success, actually willfully choose to put junk into their minds and then expect to be tuned into success. Here are some thoughts on this: First, evaluate everything that you put into your mind. Evaluate what you read, listen to and watch. We live in a fast-paced world and we have little time. Why then would we spend our precious time putting junk into our minds? Does what you read, listen to and watch move you toward your goals or away from them?
It is a simple question, really. At least most of the time. And here is my soapbox. Eleven years ago, my wife suggested we give away our television. I was shocked to say the least, but decided to give it a try. Now I am the anti-tv fanatic in our house! I have more time than anyone I know and I don't have to spend a lot of energy filtering my mind to tune it to success. Just a thought. Just a thought.
Eat right and exercise.
That's right. The way we eat and the amount of exercise we get goes a long way toward our mind's ability to tune into success. Put the right foods into your body and the brain responds. Exercise on a regular basis and the body releases chemicals that literally ignite your brain for success!
Hope these thoughts help you to get going and keep your mind tuned into success. Put them into practice and soon you'll be dialed into success and abundance.
The analogy I would like to use here is one of a radio station. For example, there may be a "Success" station. But the only way you can hear a radio station is to be tuned into it. Even a little off and you can't get the full effect.
The same is true with our mind and success. If our minds and our thoughts get sidetracked, our success will get sidetracked. As our minds stay tuned to "success" our bodies will then carry out our success and we will begin to experience abundance!
So here are some ways to keep tuned into success!
Use your innate ability to decide and choose.
One of the things that separates us from the animals is that we live not by instinct, but by choice. Constantly flexing that muscle of choice builds it up and keeps us on track for success. It is like working out. They more we do, the stronger we get. The more "fit" we get. Want to keep your mind tuned for success? Keep it healthy by making good choices and decisions on a regular basis. For example, do you have a bad habit? Then flex your mind muscle and choose to change - today. If you choose to stay the same way (and those are the only two alternatives) you will have just chosen to tune your mind to a different station than "success."
Put good stuff into your brain.
There are lots of things that want to work their way into our minds (and eventually work themselves out again in our actions). There will be lots that we just get from walking around all day. But what about what we put in on purpose? We can choose to put good stuff in on a regular basis. Do you take time each day to put good things into your mind, to tune into success? Here are two things to consider when you are choosing what to put into your mind: First, is it positive? Will it build you up or tear you down? Will it make you a better person, or lesser? Will you grow from it or not? Will it tune you to success or not? Secondly, Will it move you toward your goals in the areas of your life that you want to see success and abundance in?
Keep the junk out.
Like I mentioned above, there will always be junk floating around, like a fellow employee who gripes all the time. But what surprises me is how many people who want success, actually willfully choose to put junk into their minds and then expect to be tuned into success. Here are some thoughts on this: First, evaluate everything that you put into your mind. Evaluate what you read, listen to and watch. We live in a fast-paced world and we have little time. Why then would we spend our precious time putting junk into our minds? Does what you read, listen to and watch move you toward your goals or away from them?
It is a simple question, really. At least most of the time. And here is my soapbox. Eleven years ago, my wife suggested we give away our television. I was shocked to say the least, but decided to give it a try. Now I am the anti-tv fanatic in our house! I have more time than anyone I know and I don't have to spend a lot of energy filtering my mind to tune it to success. Just a thought. Just a thought.
Eat right and exercise.
That's right. The way we eat and the amount of exercise we get goes a long way toward our mind's ability to tune into success. Put the right foods into your body and the brain responds. Exercise on a regular basis and the body releases chemicals that literally ignite your brain for success!
Hope these thoughts help you to get going and keep your mind tuned into success. Put them into practice and soon you'll be dialed into success and abundance.
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