LISTENING FOR SUCCESS

"The key to success is to get out into the store and listen
to what the associates have to say. It's terribly important
for everyone to get involved. Our best ideas come from
clerks and stockboys." -- Sam Walton

I love this wonderful quote from a man who was, for a while,
the richest man on earth. He built an empire by listening to
his employees, his customers, and only rarely, to
consultants and "experts". There is tremendous wisdom in
letting your customers tell you how to succeed!
Routinely, business owners and professionals turn to
consultants to increase their sales, their margins and their
profits. As a coach, I know the tremendous value in hiring
the right expert at the right time! But there may be even
greater value in listening to our customers.
When they hire us, or buy from us, they are saying that in
their wisdom, we provide the best value available in the
market place. That is a wonderful compliment! It is not,
however, one that is likely to last. And, when our potential
customers go to a competitor, they are telling us something
equally vital.
Listen to your customers! Encourage your best, most reliable
customers to tell you why they love your service, your
products or your company. And, if you can, try even harder
to learn from those who walk away. They have their reasons,
and ignoring them is a recipe for failure.
Technology and market analysis are great tools. But in the
end, your most valuable research information comes from your
customers, from the potential customers you lost to a
competitor, and from the line staff who do the daily work of
running your business. Listen, learn and profit!

ROLLING THE DICE

Gambling is perhaps the most perfect example of the desire to get something for nothing. The whole idea behind gambling is there is some fast, easy way to get money that you have not earned. Proponents of legalized gambling declare that it is an innocent form of entertainment. But gamblers always lose eventually. It is only a matter of time. The billion-dollar casinos and gambling resorts have not been built with "losses."
Indian Casinos
According to economist Alan Meister in his new "Indian Gaming Industry Report," the nation's 405 Indian casinos generated about nineteen billion dollars in revenues last year, up from zero a few years ago. In other estimates, these tribes and casinos contributed more than $800 million in 2004 to various politicians, making them the biggest and most powerful political lobbying group in the world.
Gambling Destroys the Gambler
The main objective to gambling is not that most people are losing money that could be better spent on their families. The worst aspect of the "gambling bug" is it destroys the gambler's capacity to deal with reality. According to psychologists, when gamblers win, they consider it to be a matter of personal skill. When they lose, however, they define the situation not as "losing" but "almost winning." They create a fantasy world around gambling and attempt to live in it.
Gambling with Corruption
Gambling corrupts the soul and makes the gambler negative, distrustful, and angry. Continued losing undermines his self-esteem and destroys his self-respect. For every gambling loss, there is an opponent, as in poker, or a dealer/croupier, as in black jack or roulette, who wins. The loser is always being defeated by someone visible and real. As a result, he ends up feeling frustrated and bitter. He feels like a loser.
Gambling Corrupts
The act of gambling opens up the mind to every other possibility of getting something for nothing, and like a syphilis spirochete, the gambling idea soon lodges in the brain, causing a form of insanity, destroying both the person and his or her family.
To Hell and Back
A reporter for National Review wrote recently, “I have been to hell and returned. It is a place called Las Vegas in the Nevada desert.” He went on to write about the casinos filled with working men and women, grim-faced, betting and losing their rent money, money that could be better spent on their children. Anyone who has walked through a casino has noticed the strained faces and lack of joy among the people for whom the loss of their hard-earned money is only a matter of time.
Action Exercise
It is not possible to outlaw gambling. But like an addictive narcotic, the only way you can avoid its destructive effects is to avoid it altogether. You can recognize that it is an attempt to get something for nothing, which is inherently wrong. Worse, it weakens your moral immune system and makes you susceptible to other temptations to get something for nothing.

THE SEVEN C'S OF SUCCESS

Get ready to sail the Seven C’s – the Seven C’s of Success that is. Get on board and ride this ship to your destiny! There are Seven C’s you must sail if you want to be a total success. Here they are, in alphabetical order:

1. Caring – I believe that to be a true success in this world we must have a bigger vision than simply accomplishing a goal for ourselves or simply lining our own pockets. I believe that successful people have a deep care for others. Yes, they are aggressive, but they are not aggressive to the point that they run roughshod over others.
   
   Question:What is your care factor? Have you placed people in their proper place, as people worthy of dignity, respect, and proper treatment? Or have you begun to treat others as a means to an end for yourself?
   
   
2. Character – Becoming a success is more than increasing the digits in your bank account. In fact, I believe ANYONE can increase his or her bank account with a simple plan. Financial development is the easy part. Character development is the hard part, letting each and every experience shape and mold us as we experience them, always moving toward our goal and never allowing negative circumstances to destroy us but make us better people. This is what true success is about!
   
   Question:How is your character? Are you becoming a better person with each passing experience? Are you becoming a rock of wisdom and experience, deepening your foundation of character?
   
   
3. Choice – Eisenhower reminded us that our histories are written by choice, not by chance. Every movement you make toward your ultimate success and destiny will be because you choose to move toward it. The actions that you choose, each and every day will add up, over the long-term, to your final destination. The power we have as humans to choose is one of the greatest gifts known to mankind.
   
   Question: Do you choose success with each and every choice you make? Each choice you make either moves you toward your goal or away from it. Which do you choose?
   
   
4. Concentration – Often those who fail do so because they lose their concentration. Something else comes along and becomes their newfound fancy. They move from whim to whim, tossed to and fro by the strong blowing winds. The successful person however, stands firm, with their eyes transfixed on the goal. One of my favorite posters as a boy was of George Brett of the Kansas City Royals Baseball Team. They picture was taken just as the bat was hitting the ball. Where were George’s eyes? Straight down the barrel of the bat, looking at the point where the ball and bat came together. Now that is concentration!
   
   Question:How is your concentration? Do you stick to your goal and focus firmly on it, or do you let your mind and heart wander from whim to whim?
   
   
5. Confidence – Success comes to those who have the confidence to try, and more than that, the confidence to win. Confidence is something that you can grow in your mind and heart. Each passing victory that you achieve builds more and more confidence in you to draw from the next time you go to fight another battle on your journey to success. Do what you can to build confidence inside of yourself so you will be able to dip deeply into that well when you need it!
   
   Question:How is your confidence? Do you believe that you can achieve what you conceive? Are you winning victories that you can then draw on later?
   
   
6. Consistency – People who become a success realize that to a great degree, success is a formula. At the very least it is sticking to doing the right things for a long enough period of time for them to create their destiny. This is consistency. They consistently do the things that will bring them their success. Tiger Woods hits hundreds of practice balls each and every day. He doesn’t do 100 one day, then two days off, then 500 balls, then a day off, then 300 balls, then three days off. No, he knows the power of consistency and has achieved a level of success that that consistency formulated for him.
   
   Question: How is your consistency? Are you consistent? Are you doing the things you need to do each and every day that will bring your goal to you?
   
   
7. Courage – Successful people are brave people. They know that even success has its challenges, yet they face them head on and move forward anyway. No mountain is too high, nor river too wide, nor foe too large for the person who will choose to live out their dreams! They are courageous people who continue on even when others have quit. And for that they receive their reward!
   
   Question:How about you? Are you courageous? Are you willing to face the obstacles and move forward in spite of the fear that may try to well up within you? Be courageous and you will succeed!

   There they are, the Seven C’s of Success. Set sail today!

   
   

   
   

TURN THE LIGHTS ON!

I recently read about a woman with a small business selling
accessories for Mattel's "Barbie" doll and "Hot Wheels" toy
cars. She collects and re-sells clothes and little tiny
shoes, umbrellas and purses for Barbie, along with
components for the little Hot Wheels cars. She has revenue
of over a million dollars and earns a nice 6-figure income
from her home.
How does she do that? Simple! She's found a niche and she
lets people know she can help them complete their
collections and fulfill their hobby.
In general, I'm not a fan of "advertising" in the
traditional sense. Sure, for some businesses it works, but
for professionals and most online businesses, I prefer to
think in terms of "marketing." It's cheaper and more
effective.
The fact is that almost no one needs the goods or services
you provide. As a coach, I understand that less than 1% of
the population are going to hire a coach. Most people don't
know what a coach is, or they've never heard of me. They
can't afford coaching, or don't think they need a coach. The
reasons for not hiring a coach are endless!
The key to success is letting that tiny sliver of people who
DO need me know that I exist, and making it easy for them to
hire me. The same is true for your business.
How do you reach out to your community? How do you let your
customers know you exist, that you can serve their needs,
that they can trust you? How do you help them contact you?
In the Bible there is a story that warns us not to hide our
light under a basket, and it applies in business as much as
anywhere else. Turn the lights on! Let the world know who
you are, what you can do for them, and how to contact you.
In business, that is an every-single-day activity.

SELF ESTEEM - THE PROBLEMS BEHIND ALL PROBLEMS

Self esteem is THE major challenge of our era. It lies at the heart of many of the diverse issues and challenges we face in life.

In fact, it is precisely because low self esteem does not seem to be the problem, that it is so very insidious. Many people who suffer from low self esteem attribute their life challenges to wholly different causes. It does not even occur to them to relate their problems to how they regard themselves at the deepest level. Instead, they blame their problems on a mean boss, racial or sexual prejudice, a talent for choosing abusive love partners and so on.

In this way, the problem is externalized. However, doing this merely moves a person further away from the real problem, and consequently from the solution. Thus by disguising itself as some other more immediately visible issue, low self esteem is never tackled and overcome. It remains to rear its ugly head again.

Whatever challenge you face, you can rest assured that someone else has had it even worse, and yet gone on to triumph. If so, what prevents you back from doing the same? The answer must inevitably be - yourself. YOU are the primary force shaping you life. If others faced similar external challenges and triumphed, then external circumstances are NOT the primary determiners of your life. Your attitude of mind is.

How Low Self Esteem Arises

People with NO apparent self esteem problems may still be susceptible at a subtle level. For example, failing to shoot for your dreams when you were young, and settling for a safe route to an unchallenging existence, can damage how well you regard yourself. In later life, it could manifest in short temper, cynicism when others DO try to better themselves, and even physical illness. However, it seems hard to pinpoint the exact problem.

At the heart of compromises such as these is the fact that you did not believe in yourself sufficiently. In other words, self esteem issues, often inherited from your parents, appeared at this early stage.

There are many causes of low self esteem. We gain our predominant world-view by the age of five. In other words, whether you consider the world to be a safe or dangerous place, and whether you will react to events in a primarily positive or negative manner, is determined by this age. Parents are the prime shapers of our young psyches at this time. However, schools, society, and our peers also play an important role. Our later experiences in life merely reinforce the core impressions we gained at this very early age.

As the role of parents is so vital, they need to be FAR more conscious of the consequences for their child of EVERYTHING they do, say, or even think. Moreover, this care must begin whilst the child is still in the womb! Parents are too often far too casual about how they bring up their children. They unconsciously pass on their own limitations to them as a result.

Facing The Challenge Of Ourselves

What can you do to improve your self esteem? The first thing is to understand the difference between self-esteem and self-image. Self-image forms as a result of comparisons you make between yourself and those around you. It is the judgment you make of yourself - the image you have of yourself. Sadly, it is often negative as you can usually find someone better than you at almost everything. Self-image in turn affects self-esteem. An easy way to understand this difference is to look at young children. They have perfect self-esteem BECAUSE they have no self-image. They are not continually judging themselves against externals and falling short.

The key is NOT to work upon self-image. This is what many people try to do. However, working on self-esteem is the heart of creating radical change. When you work from the inside out, how you feel about yourself in comparison with externals must eventually improve as well.

The key to improving your self-esteem is to take conscious control of your self-talk. Negative self-talk is the prime cause for creating and maintaining negative self esteem. The things you say to yourself in your mind, as well as the meaning you attribute to events in your life, combine to create the reality you end up live. Most people's self-talk is roughly 95% negative. They see the worst in themselves and in everything that happens. Putting a stop to such self-destructive thinking is vital. It is our thoughts and expectations that shape and produce what we become. The quality of our lives is a direct result of them.

One excellent way to combat and overcome negative self-talk is through using positive affirmations. The principle behind them is that the brain cannot entertain two contradictory notions at the same time. Eventually one of the two contradictory notions must win out and cause the other to collapse completely. The belief that finally wins out is the one that you invest with the most emotional energy and constancy of thought.

Affirmations such as:
"I like myself"
"I am a positive person and I create a positive life"
"I am a wonderful person of immense value who deserves to be loved"

...and others like these will do absolute wonders. Note how all good affirmations are framed in the positive. Never frame an affirmation in the negative, e.g. "I am NOT a negative person". The subconscious literally cannot see the word "not" and will therefore interpret and act upon the affirmation as if you said "I AM a negative person"!

Create a series of affirmations like this and resolve to use them throughout the day. You can write one or more of them out ten, twenty or more times a day. You should also take every opportunity to say them out loud to yourself. Always do so with enthusiasm and gusto; really feeling the positive emotions surging through your body. This is the true key to making affirmations work in improving self esteem. Putting all your emotional energy behind them gives the affirmations the power to destroy negative self-talk and low self esteem.

An extremely powerful way to use affirmations is to record yourself speaking them quietly onto a tape, perhaps with some soothing background music that you like. Then you can play this tape quietly in the background at every opportunity. You have effectively created your own subliminal tape! Try playing this to yourself when you sleep at night, using an auto-reverse walkman. The results in your life will be truly tremendous.

Recognition Of The Problem Is Halfway To The Solution

There are many effective ways to remedy low self esteem. However, the key to success in life is to recognize the existence of the problem in the first place! Therefore, consider where self esteem issues may be lurking in your life, but manifesting as apparently external problems. The key attitude for success in life is to take total responsibility for what happens to us. We must work upon ourselves continually in order to manifest what we want. Creating high self esteem is one of the best things you can ever do to totally transform every aspect of your life.

REMAIN FLEXIBLE AT ALL TIMES

The Menninger Institute of Kansas City conducted a study not long ago to determine what qualities would be most important for success and happiness in the twenty-first century. They concluded after extensive research, that the most important single quality that you can develop, in a time of rapid change, is flexibility.
The Speed of Change
Today, perhaps the most important factor affecting your life is the speed of change. We are living in an age where change is taking place at a faster rate than ever before in human history. And if anything, the rate is increasing, year by year. Change today is not only faster, but it is also discontinuous, not following a straight line but starting, stopping, and moving in unpredictable directions. Change is coming at us from all sides and in so many different ways that it is often impossible to anticipate what might happen next.
A Major Cause of Stress
Change causes enormous stress for people who are fixed or rigid in their beliefs about how things “should be.” They fall in love with what they are doing, with their current methods and processes, and are unwilling to change, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. Don't let this happen to you.
Be Open to New Information
To remain flexible, you must constantly be open, alert to new ideas, information, and knowledge that can help you or hurt you in your business or in the achievement of your goals. One new idea can be enough to make or lose you a fortune. One idea can start you on the road to riches or knock you off of it.
The Tide of New Technology
The second factor driving change is the rapid growth and development of new technology. Every new piece of scientific or technical knowledge leads to an advance in technology aimed at helping people and companies get things done faster, better, cheaper, or easier. And the speed of technological change is increasing every day.
Playing Leapfrog
Being in business is like playing an endless game of leapfrog. You look for a way to leapfrog over your competitor and serve your customers, better, faster, and cheaper. Your competitor then leapfrogs over you with a new or better product or service. You quickly regroup and leap over your competitor with a new innovation or improvement. Your competitor then leaps over you, and the game goes on without end.
Action Exercise
Be willing to admit, in each area of your life where you experience stress or resistance, that you could be wrong or that you have made a mistake. Resolve today to cut your losses wherever possible.

ARE YOU MOTIVATED TO CHANGE?

You talk about how you want something different in your life -- a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight -- but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.

How do you motivate yourself to change?

There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.

Change by Force
'By force' means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight...or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.

There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.

Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.

Change by Choice
The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your 'comforts' of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.

Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.

This isn't pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.

But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.

So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?

Two Motivators for Change

We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It's that simple. But not so easy.

People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life's negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!

You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.

Change is possible.
You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself -- your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry -- before you can begin to change anything.

So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.
1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow -- there is no rush.

We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don't know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!

If you know you want something better in your life that's great! But don't skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.

2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.

Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That's your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.

GET YOUR GOALS - GUARANTEED!

“Goals” is a topic that many people talk about, both in a positive as well as a negative sense. Some people are goal maniacs and others think they are a waste of time. Me? I am somewhat different. I just care about one thing – results. Goals: write ‘em down; don’t write ‘em down, I don’t care. Just get them! Achieve them! Live them! That is the only thing that should matter about goals, right?

If the only thing that matters is that we achieve our goals, then let’s talk about ways that will guarantee that we get our goals! There is such a way… and here it is:

First, be realistic.
Too many people get hyped up by people promising them the world and they set goals that simply aren't realistic. Then they are disappointed and then decide that “goals” are bad. But wait a minute. Don’t I teach that anybody can achieve anything? Sort of. We have to be realistic. The best example is that a seven-foot center who plays basketball will never be a world champion jockey. A person who is five feet, two inches could be, given time. This is the difference between a realistic goal and one that isn’t. Take some time and set a realistic goal or goals. This will make your goals guaranteed from the get go!

Second, memorize your goals.
Set them in stone in your mind. Know what they are. Prioritize them in order of importance and memorize them so that if anyone asked you, “What are you top seven goals?” you could answer immediately. This will embed the goals and the desired outcomes into your mind, which is the seed of action.

Visualize your goals.
Some people are really into this. Some people think it is total hooey. I am in the middle. I do not think that there is anything “magical” about the visualization process, but I do think that taking some time to regularly envision your dream and goals is a great thing. It deepens your desire to get your goals. It puts you into a frame of mind where you operate in a peak state. So, don’t overdo it, but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater either. Put your goals deep into your mind by visualizing them periodically.

Set time frames.
Don’t let your goal be, “I want to lose twenty pounds.” Instead, let it be, “I want to lose twenty pounds in four months.” Again, a reminder to be realistic. But you can do wonders for your goal setting if you break your goals and put time frames on them. This gives it a sense of urgency. It makes it some thing you are working “toward” rather than working “on.” In fact, I would suggest setting long-range time frames, mid-range time frames, and short-range time frames.

Spend time and money on your goals.
Realize that any goal worth achieving is worth spending your resources, specifically time and money, on. Buy books, go to seminars, join associations, hire a coach, etc. Whatever you need to do to get your goals! Spending time and money will seed your dreams and you will reap the end result far beyond what you put into it. Big dreams have big costs, but even little dreams have a cost associated with them so count the cost.

Surround yourself with people who can propel you to your goals.
Never underestimate the power of the people around you to either drag you down or lift you up. Poisonous people can destroy your goal by systematically draining you of your passion and desire and replacing it with total pessimism! Passionate and positive people can invigorate you with renewed energy and a mind set on the dream. Get around people who will energize you!

Act on your goals each and every day.
Even if it is just a small step, it will leave you closer to your goal each and every day. If you have a savings goal, set aside even one dollar a day. Take a jar and empty your change into it at the end of each day. If you want to write a book, write each day, if even just two paragraphs! Small, step-by-step actions will produce the goal – guaranteed!

Be persistent!
I have long said that if the three most important words in real estate are “location,” “location,” “location,” then the three most important words in getting what you desire are “persistence,” “persistence,” “persistence.” In fact, be tenaciously persistent. Be ruthlessly persistent. Look, there will be all sorts of barriers and obstacles you will have to overcome if you want to achieve your dream. Dreams don’t just roll over and die. You have to attack them! Go for it and don’t give up! They can, and will, be yours!

Can you get your goals – guaranteed? And you will, if you put into practice the above principles.

If you…

Be realistic.
Memorize your goals.
Visualize your goals.
Set time frames.
Spend time and money on your goals.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Act on your goals every day and…
Be persistent.

You can get your goals – guaranteed!

PERSIST UNTIL YOU SUCCEED

The most important single quality of success is self-discipline. Self-discipline is having the ability within yourself, based on your strength of character and willpower, to do what you should do when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not. Character is the ability to follow through on a resolution after the enthusiasm with which the resolution was made has passed.
Persistence is Self-Discipline in Action
Perhaps the greatest display of self-discipline is persisting when the going gets tough. Persistence is self-discipline in action. Persistence is the great measure of individual human character. Your persistence is, in fact, the true measure of your belief in yourself and your ability to succeed. Each time that you persist in the face of adversity and disappointment, you build the habit of persistence. You build pride, power, and self-esteem in your character and your personality. You become stronger and more resolute. By persisting, you become more self-disciplined. You develop within yourself the iron quality of success, the one quality that will carry you forward and over any obstacle that life can throw in your path.
Get Going and Keep Going
Orison Swett Marden wrote in his book, “There are two essential requirements for success. The first is 'go-at-it-iveness' and the second is 'stick-to-it-iveness'” Referring to the quality of persistence he wrote, “There is no failure for the man who realizes his power, who never knows when he is beaten; there is no failure for the determined endeavor, the conquerable will. There is no failure for the man who gets up every time he falls, who rebounds like a rubber ball, who persists when everyone else gives up, who pushes on when everyone else turns back.”
Persistence is Your Greatest Asset
Perhaps your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay at a task longer than anyone else. B.C. Forbes, who founded Forbes magazine and built it into a major publication during the darkest days of the Depression, wrote, “History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeat.”
Adversity is What Tests Us
Throughout history, great thinkers have reflected on this paradox and have concluded that adversity is the test that you must pass on the path to accomplishing anything worthwhile. Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, “Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain dormant in its absence.” The very best qualities of strength, courage, character, and persistence are brought out in you when you face your greatest challenges and when you respond to them positively and constructively.
Action Exercise
Your greatest successes almost invariably come one step beyond your greatest failures, when everything inside you says quit. Think of failures in terms of how you can make them successes.

WHAT GIVES A MAN OR WOMAN THE RIGHT TO LEAD?

It certainly isn't gained by election or appointment. Having position, title, rank, or degrees doesn't qualify anyone to lead other people. And the ability doesn't come automatically from age or experience, either.

No, it would be accurate to say that no one can be given the right to lead. The right to lead can only be earned. And that takes time.

The key to becoming an effective leader is not to focus on making other people follow, but on making yourself the kind of person they want to follow. You must become someone others can trust to take them where they want to go.

As you prepare yourself to become a better leader, use the following guidelines to help you grow:

1. Let go of your ego.

   The truly great leaders are not in leadership for personal gain. They lead in order to serve other people. Perhaps that is why Lawrence D. Bell remarked, "Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things."

2. Become a good follower first.

   Rare is the effective leader who didn't learn to become a good follower first. That is why a leadership institution such as the United State Military Academy teaches its officers to become effective followers first - and why West Point has produced more leaders than the Harvard Business School.

3. Build positive relationships.

   Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. That means it is by nature relational. Today's generation of leaders seem particularly aware of this because title and position mean so little to them. They know intuitively that people go along with people they get along with.

4. Work with excellence.

   No one respects and follows mediocrity. Leaders who earn the right to lead give their all to what they do. They bring into play not only their skills and talents, but also great passion and hard work. They perform on the highest level of which they are capable.

5. Rely on discipline, not emotion.

   Leadership is often easy during the good times. It's when everything seems to be against you - when you're out of energy, and you don't want to lead - that you earn your place as a leader. During every season of life, leaders face crucial moments when they must choose between gearing up or giving up. To make it through those times, rely on the rock of discipline, not the shifting sand of emotion.

6. Make adding value your goal.

   When you look at the leaders whose names are revered long after they have finished leading, you find that they were men and women who helped people to live better lives and reach their potential. That is the highest calling of leadership - and its highest value.

7. Give your power away.

   One of the ironies of leadership is that you become a better leader by sharing whatever power you have, not by saving it all for yourself. You're meant to be a river, not a reservoir. If you use your power to empower others, your leadership will extend far beyond your grasp.

ARE YOU MOTIVATED CHANGE?

You talk about how you want something different in your life -- a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight -- but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.

How do you motivate yourself to change?

There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.

Change by Force
'By force' means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight...or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.

There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.

Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.

Change by Choice
The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your 'comforts' of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.

Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.

This isn't pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.

But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.

So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?

Two Motivators for Change

We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It's that simple. But not so easy.

People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life's negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!

You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.

Change is possible.
You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself -- your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry -- before you can begin to change anything.

So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.
1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow -- there is no rush.

We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don't know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!

If you know you want something better in your life that's great! But don't skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.

2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.

Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That's your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.

ACHIEVING PERSONAL EXCELLENCE

Personal excellence is perhaps the most important of all invisible and intangible assets that you can acquire. Achieving personal excellence in your business or industry requires lifelong dedication. But once you get into the top 10 percent of your field, you will be one of the highest paid people in the country. You will enjoy the respect and esteem of the people around you. You will be able to live your life the way you want to live it. You will enjoy high levels of self-esteem, self-respect, and personal pride.
Build Your Intellectual Assets
Each person has or can acquire three forms of intellectual capital. These require an investment of study and hard work, but they pay off in higher income for the rest of your life. The first type of intellectual capital you can acquire consists of your core knowledge, skills, and abilities. These are the result of education, experience, and training. They determine how well you do your job and the value of your contribution to your business.
Build Your Internal Knowledge
The second form of intellectual capital that you posses is your knowledge of how your business operates internally, in comparison to that of your competitors or any other business. Each business develops a series or systems, procedures, methods, techniques, and strategies to market, sell, produce, deliver products and services, and satisfy customers. Each business has internal systems for accounting, administration, and financial controls. These systems take many years to develop and considerable time for a new person to learn. A person who knows and understands these systems intimately has a form of intellectual capital that is difficult for the company to replace.
Build Your Ability to Get Results
The third form of intellectual capital that you possess, and that is perhaps the key determinant of your earning ability, is your knowledge and understanding of how you can get financial results in a competitive market. This includes your knowledge of your products and services and how to sell them. It includes your knowledge of customers and suppliers and how to deal with them. It embraces your familiarity with bankers, lawyers, accountants, and government officials and how to interact with them effectively. This form of intellectual capital may take years to build, and it is extremely valuable to your organization. You first responsibility to yourself is to develop your earning ability to a high level. You do this by continually increasing your intellectual capital, by upgrading your ability to do your job, by becoming a valuable part of your organization, and by getting more and better financial results for your organization.
Action Exercise
Take time to get to know every component of your business. Get to know your customers and learn everything there is to know about your products and services.