THE POWER OF PERSONAL CHARISMA

Become An Irresistible Person
Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines charisma as "a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure."
Develop Personal Magnetism
Charisma is also that special quality of magnetism that each person has and that each person uses to a certain degree. You have a special charisma to the people who look up to you, who respect and admire you, the members of your family and your friends and coworkers. Whenever and wherever a person feels a positive emotion toward another, he imbues that person with charisma, or attractiveness.
Project Yourself Positively
In trying to explain charisma, some people speak of an "aura." This aura is a light that is invisible to most people, but not to everyone, and that radiates out from a person and affects the people around that person in a positive or negative way. The halo around the heads of saints and mystics in many religious paintings was the artist's attempt to depict the light that people reported seeing around the heads of these men and women when they were speaking or praying, or in an intense emotional state.Control the Impression You Make
You also have an aura around you that most people cannot see but that is there, nevertheless. This aura affects the way people react and respond to you, either positively or negatively. There is a lot that you can do, and a lot of good reasons for you to do it, to control this aura and make it work in your best interests.
Sell Your Way to the Top
If you're in sales, this aura, reflecting your level of charisma, can have a major impact on the way your prospects and customers treat you and deal with you. Top salespeople seem to be far more successful than the average salespeople in getting along with their customers. They're always more welcome, more positively received and more trusted than the others. They sell more, and they sell more easily. They make a better living, and they build better lives. Salespeople with charisma get far more pleasure out of their work and suffer far less from stress and rejection. The charismatic salesperson is almost invariably a top performer in his field and enjoys all the rewards that go with superior sales.
Influence People Around You
If you're in business, developing greater charisma can help you tremendously in working with your staff, your suppliers, your bankers, your customers and everyone else upon whom you depend for your success. People seem naturally drawn to those who possess charisma.
They want to help them and support them. When you have charisma, people will open doors for you and bring you opportunities that otherwise would not have been available to you.
Enhance Your Personal Relationships
In your personal relationships, the quality of charisma can make your life more joyous, happier. People will naturally want to be around you. Members of your family and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a greater influence on them, causing them to feel better about themselves and to do better at the important things in their lives.
Action Exercises
First, identify the people with whom you seem to have a lot of charisma - the people who know you, like you, respect you the most. How could you increase your charisma with these people?
Second, identify the people who have charisma to you, the people you most like and respect and admire. What is there about them that you could copy or emulate? If you think charisma, you'll have more of it.

ELIMINATING, DELEGATING AND AUTOMATING

This week, I was reminded how much most business operations
are limited by wasted or unnecessary routines. I’ve been
noticing how many business owners and managers are doing
things that simply do not need to be done!
Over and over, business leaders fall into the trap of
developing a process that served a purpose when they were
small, or with a specific customer or for one project, but
then it becomes “institutionalized” and they keep on doing
it, often out of blind habit. They are still doing things by
hand, even though there are much more efficient ways to do
it, if it needs to be done at all.
Here’s the mantra: Eliminate (everything you can), Delegate
(everything you can) and Automate all the rest.
Good managers lead! Good managers should be “lazy” in the
sense that they insist on fixing problems once and for all,
then never repeat that particular problem again.
I love the story about driving down the road. If you hit a
pothole, that’s called “life.” Potholes (problems) happen.
Accept it, fix it and move on. But if you hit the same
pothole again the next day, that’s carelessness or worse.
And if you hit it a third time, that’s a bad habit. In
business, never hit the same “pothole” a second time!
Eliminate, Delegate and Automate!

TIME: FROM HABITS TO FREEDOM

How many times have you heard someone say, "I never have enough time!"? Maybe you have even said it yourself. I hate to break the news to you...we all have the same amount of time: 24 hours in a day which means 168 hours per week. There is nothing that anyone can do to change it. For some people that is the bad news. There is good news, however. You are in charge of your time. Now I can already hear some of you arguing that isn't true because the boss claims a lot of your time, family or friends want some of your time, there are personal life tasks to be taken care of, and that is all before you even think of doing something fun. But if you just take the time to read this article, I can promise you some tips to save some time later...and even create some new time.
It's not an issue of managing time; it's a matter of managing oneself. Since organizing is about replacing non-functioning habits with functioning ones, let's look at some of the habits you need to develop in order to gain time.
Habit #1: Learn to say "no".
For most people, the ability to say "no" is difficult if not impossible. For such a short word, it can be almost impossible to say. The best place to start is to develop a standard answer to give anyone who asks for your time. One example might be "Can I get back to you in a couple of days; I need to check my calendar before I commit to something new?" You have to create a statement that works for you and that starts to roll off your tongue the minute someone says, "Can you ____?" You may have to practice in front of a mirror until you feel comfortable. If someone indicates that they can't wait, then be prepared to immediately decline. After you have had time to think about it, look at your calendar, or discuss it with someone, be as short and direct as you can and don't be swayed by reasons they may use to get you to change your mind. Keep the words of Anne Lamottin mind, she says, "I live by the truth that "No" is a complete sentence." Here are some statements that may be useful:
"My schedule is full for that (day, week, month, year, etc.)" You do not have to tell the person anything else. Even if they indicate that the task won't take to long, be firm and repeat the statement.
"I need to decrease the amount of stress in my life by cutting back on tasks. I hope you understand." Again, do not give any details. Just make the statement and move to another topic of conversation.
"My (spouse, family, friends, etc.) need my full attention at this time so I am unable to take on additional activities." Don't elaborate. Just maintain your stand.
Be aware, if you are a longtime "yes" person, there will be people who will be unhappy when you start saying "no". Be strong. It takes awhile to develop a new habit and you are bound to meet outside resistance.
Habit #2: Silence the internal people-pleasing voices.
Part of saying "no" is the ability to stand firm with others. Another part of saying "no" is the struggle against the internal people-pleaser voices. Not everyone has these, so if you don't, you can skip to habit three. For those who know exactly what I am talking about you've may experience fear that someone might reject you if you don't say "yes". You might feel like it is your duty to say "yes" to all requests; it is almost a driving force. Unfortunately people who are addicted to approval from others are usually disappointed because while it is possible to please lots of people, it is impossible to please everyone. There will always be someone who isn't happy with us for some reason or another.
One of the best ways to quiet your internal people-pleaser is to empower yourself by answering the following questions truthfully:
1. "What stops me from saying "no" when I am asked to do something that I really don't want to do?"
2. "What is the worst thing that could happen if I say "no"?
Resist the temptation to rationalize. For instance, when you ask yourself the second question, it is very tempting to say something like "that person will think less of me." That is certainly not a "worst case scenario". It may help you to write down your answers or to discuss them with someone. You won't be an approval addict one day and then not one the next. You are forming a new habit. It is a process that will take time and may include the occasional setback.
Habit #3: Block out time on your schedule.
I am talking about literally blocking time on your paper or electronic calendar. Most people write down the time that an appointment starts. This is not enough. You need to write down the ending time if you know it or estimate it is you don't, you also need to plan for transportation time. If I have an organizing session with a client that is from 9:00 a.m. until 11:00 a.m., then I will mark my calendar to denote the actual session time but I will also indicate the time I need to leave my office and the time that I expect to arrive back at my office.
Noting "actual" appointments may seem pretty logical, but what about all of the other activities that fill your day? Whether we are talking about personal or professional tasks, it is best to allot a specific time for them to get accomplished. For some reason we tend to think that "everything will get done". In reality, less than we think gets done because we don't plan time a specific time to work on the project nor do we estimate the amount of time the job will take. Let's take this article as an example. It doesn't write itself. I actually mark a specific time in my calendar that says "write ezine". But that isn't all; I predict how much time it will take to compose. Remember the rule of thumb, estimate the amount of time and then double it. If you end up with extra time, great! But you will usually find that you are much closer to actuality when you double your guesstimate. Once you start doing this, you will probably notice that you have a very full calendar. Maybe you have more activities than hours (hence the reason many people don't get enough sleep)! This actually leads us back to habit one about learning to say "no".
Practice, practice, practice! That is the only way that you will create these new habits that will give you more free time and more freedom to decide how to use your time the best. It's a process. It takes work. In the end you will be able to cherish the gift of time more freely.

WHO BELIEVE IN YOU?

Of all the successful people I’ve interviewed and studied, almost every one pointed to an individual (or several) who had a profound and lasting influence on their accomplishments.

In many cases, it was simply someone who had confidence in their potential at a time when they needed someone to believe in them.

I’ve been fortunate in my own life to have a number of people who had faith in me and my success. And it’s quite possible that without their support, I might not have made it.

You see, it’s easy for people to believe in you when things are looking up. It kind of comes with the territory. But when times are tough, when you’ve made mistakes and when most people are actively distancing themselves from you, the ones who still express their confidence are usually rare—sometimes even non-existent.

No doubt there have been people in your own life who made such a difference. They believed in you and that helped you to hang in there when you otherwise might not have done so.

When I was in my early twenties, I bought a farm from my father and began farming. It’s not an easy way to make a living. But I was idealistic and a bit naïve. I was on a quest to help to diversify a very undiversified agriculture in the state of Vermont.

One of the few people who believed in my ability to do so was a young lawyer named Peter Langrock. Peter was and is a truly interesting man. He had a small farm himself where he bred race horses. His law practice was quite successful, and he has become one of the best known attorneys in Vermont—if not the country.

For whatever reason, Peter took a liking to me and my quest. He saw a young, ambitious, hard-working kid with a dream and a vision. And when no banks would lend me any money any money to make it happen, he took it upon himself to co-sign a loan. Now that’s belief.

I built one of the largest livestock operations of its type in Vermont and even started a meat packing company. But in the end I was not very successful in farming and agribusiness. It’s expensive to be a maverick.

Nonetheless, I will never forget this man’s faith in me and how much it helped me then—and even now. Thank you, Peter.

What about you? Who had faith in you? Or did you prevail IN SPITE of not having anyone believe in you?

And also, who do YOU believe in? Who have you mentored, encouraged or taken under your wing? I believe we all have the responsibility to pay it forward.

Make a difference in a young person’s life. Take an interest in someone with a dream—or help them develop one. Look for the best that’s within them.

In our twilight years, it won’t be our monetary success, our achievements or accumulation of toys, but rather the difference we have made in people’s lives that we will remember best.

Simply believing in someone—and having them know that—may be the best that you can do to help someone succeed.

THE KEY TO SALES SUCCESS

Learn to Listen Well
A vital key to sales success is listening. The ability to listen well is absolutely indispensable for success in all human relationships. The ability to be a good listener in a sales conversation is the foundation of the new model of selling. It leads to easier sales, higher earnings and greater enjoyment from the sales profession.
Being A Good Talker is Not Enough
Many salespeople have been brought up with the idea that, in order to be good at your profession, you must be a glad-hander and a good talker. You have even heard people say, "You have the 'gift of the gab'; you should be in sales!"
Focus On the Other Person
Nothing could be further from the truth. As many as seventy five percent of all top salespeople are defined as introverts on psychological tests. They are very easy going and other-centered. They would much rather listen than talk. They are very interested in the thoughts and feelings of other people and they are quite comfortable sitting and listening to their prospects. They would much rather listen than talk in a sales situation. Poor salespeople dominate the talking, but top salespeople dominate the listening.
Practice "White Magic" With Everyone
Listening has even been called "white magic." It is too rarely engaged in by business people. When a salesperson develops a reputation for being an excellent listener, prospects and customers feel comfortable and secure in his or her presence. They buy more readily, and more often.
Practice the 70/30 Rule
You've heard it said that God gave man two ears and one mouth, and he is supposed to use them in that proportion.
Top salespeople practice the "70/30 rule." They talk and ask questions 30 percent or less of the time while they listen intently to their customers 70 percent or more of the time. They use their ears and mouth in the right ratio.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, resolve today that, from now on, you are going to dominate the listening in every sales conversation. Become comfortable with silence.
Second, practice the 70/30 rule in every sales conversation. Listen 70% of the time and only talk and ask questions 30% of the time.

LOVE YOUR WORK

A long time ago, I heard Jim Rohn talk about the necessity
to "love your work, every single day." I've never forgotten
that.
Jim was wise enough to make the distinction about "liking"
your work every day. Very few of us are fortunate enough to
enjoy every moment of every day on the job. Things go wrong.
People get cranky. Sometimes, stress and tension and anxiety
are life's way of telling us we are in the wrong line of
work, or it's time to make some changes.
But those daily ups and downs are not the same thing as
"loving" your work.
I recently got an email from a friend who noted that his 13-
year old son can be "a handful, but we don't love him
because it's easy, we love him because we do." Your
relationship with your career should be something like that.
Ultimately, your financial success is the result of "loving"
your work – nurturing it over time, going the extra mile,
doing it right whether or not anyone is watching. Love means
taking care of the details. Loving your work means investing
in your customers, investing in tools and skills and
resources. Ultimately, loving your work means investing in
your own future.
Whatever your job, profession, or business, love and sustain
it. Care for it and give it every chance to grow. There is
no other path to ultimate, long-term success.

Quotes of the Week
"Never underestimate the power of passion." -- Eve Sawyer"
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land
among the stars." -- Les Brown
"Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is
about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can
unleash." -- Harriet Rubin"
"Be ready when opportunity comes. Luck is when preparation
and opportunity meet." -- Roy D. Chapin Jr.

THE TOUGHEST JOB

There Are No Buffers
Selling is one of the toughest jobs in the world. There are no buffers between you and the reality of daily difficulties, delays and disappointments. You often ride an emotional roller-coaster, up and down, that never seems to stop. You are all alone.
You Must Motivate Yourself
Like a front line soldier, you must get yourself up every day and go out to where the bullets of rejection fly. You must continually deal with the possibility that all your sales efforts could turn out to be in vain through no fault of your own. And you must keep on going in spite of this because your profession of selling requires it.
Face the Facts of Selling
Selling is hard. It always has and it always will be. Even for the best and most experienced salespeople, it is a continual effort. You can make it easier by developing your skills in the critical areas of prospecting, presenting and closing sales, but you can never make selling an easy profession. However, once you accept that selling is a hard way to make a living, it somehow becomes a little easier. When you stop expecting it to be something other than it is, much of the stress of selling goes out of it. As William James said, "The first step in dealing with any difficulty is to be willing to have it so."
Open Unlimited Opportunities
Selling is also a wonderful profession. It offers opportunities for the average person that are unimaginable in most countries. Your potential earnings are beyond what 95 percent of the world's population could ever hope for or expect. Because selling is difficult, your activities are valuable and important and they have to pay you very well for carrying them out. As you move to the top of your field, you can earn more than a person with ten or twelve years of university education. You can eventually become financially independent. Fully five percent of self-made millionaires in America are salespeople who do their jobs extremely well.
Make a Wonderful Living
As a salesperson, the reason that you can make a wonderful living for yourself and your family, achieve your goals and fulfill all of your aspirations, is because making the sale is difficult, and often, extremely difficult. And the longer the sales cycle, or the larger the dollar amount involved, the more that companies have to pay salespeople to do the work. When you are selling complicated or expensive products in a highly competitive market, and you do it well, you can become one of the highest paid people in your field, if not the world.
Be the Best at What You Do
You should get up every morning and give a silent prayer of thanks that selling is so difficult. If it was easy, the field would be flooded by amateurs and the amount you could earn would be greatly reduced. But because it is hellishly hard, by becoming very good at it, your future can be unlimited!
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, dedicate yourself to getting better and better at selling. The better you get at selling and closing, the easier and more enjoyable it is.
Second, be grateful that selling is a tough job. It keeps the weaklings and the mediocre out of the field and enables you to be even more successful.

4 STAGES OF BUSINESS SUCCESS

What kind of help does your business need to attract more clients and be more profitable?
What kind of help do you need to get to that 7-figure income you're aiming for?
The answer depends on what stage you're at as an entrepreneur and a business owner.
Stage I: Start-up
You've got a great idea for a new business, a new product or a better way of delivering a service. You're sure there's a need out there for it. You're knowledgeable enough in the field to be confident that this can support you and your family. At this stage, your biggest concern is turning your idea into a salable product or service.
Knowing that 50% of new businesses fail in the first four years, what do you need?
Focus.
Over the last 20 years, I've worked with hundreds of entrepreneurs eager to launch new businesses. They're smart, they're committed to success and they're willing to work hard. Really hard.
But a lot of the business owners coming to me for help have made the same mistake. They try to do too much. They try to be everything to everybody and their business is dying while they're trying.
Every entrepreneur needs to identify their target market, clarify the problem they solve and understand the primary benefits of their products or services. Then they need to stay focused on those.
Figure out exactly what your business is, whom it helps and how it helps them. Then come up with a killer marketing message so your prospects understand the value of your product and services. Ignore these fundamental steps at your peril.
Stage II: Struggling Business
After months of working around the clock, you have a product or service ready to sell. You land a few customers and sales start to trickle in. This should be an exciting phase of growth for you, but it's often when the frustration sets in.
You've worked hard to create top quality products and services but your business is still the best-kept secret going. Hardly anyone knows about it and too few are buying.
What should you do to get more than the occasional client and a trickle of sales?
At this stage, entrepreneurs like you who are experts in their industry niche, whether in accounting, web design, yoga, organic composting, or IT consulting, realize that they're not experts in marketing.
What do you need?
Ideas!
Even the smartest entrepreneur needs marketing ideas so they can discover the simple secrets to attract clients, increase sales and generate a steady income.
Are you looking for low-cost, proven ways to skyrocket your busines
Stage III: Profitable Business
It happens even to smart entrepreneurs and business owners. You apply a solid marketing strategy, your business gathers momentum, and pretty soon you're overwhelmed.
Now you're trying to do everything, juggling administrative tasks, managing clients, developing new products -- not to mention marketing, so you can avoid that whole feast or famine thing.
The problem is, of course, that because you did quite a few things right, your business now is a ball and chain around your life. You're making good money, but you're working way too hard and have yet to see the upper six or seven figure income you should be earning.
At this point, you don't need more ideas. You probably have too many already. Now, the challenge is to figure out which of those ideas to use and how to use them.
What do you need help with?
Implementation.
This is the stage in your business when a mentor or coach can help you. You need to work with someone one-on-one to help you assess your business and your marketing, sift through your ideas, and help you plan which ones to use first, second and third to keep the sales rolling in.
Do you have a profitable business? Looking for ways to grow it?
Stage IV: Successful Business
Sit back and enjoy your success? Not hardly.
Sales are rolling in at a steady clip and you keep coming up with even more ways to grow your business. Good thing, too, because the pressure is on. Local and global competition, a sour economy, rising costs and untold other challenges mean this is when things get really crazy. Some of my clients tell me that business at this stage feels like barely controlled chaos.
It's at this point that many successful entrepreneurs let themselves get buried by their business. Busy with their success, they end up missing the big opportunity to not just double their business but grow it by a factor of ten.
I'm sure you known entrepreneurs like this. They've got a steady business and are taking home a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year, but then they stop short. They can't grow anymore because they've become their business instead of running it.
What you need help with at this stage of running a successful business?
Expansion.
After all the hard work you've put into creating a profitable business, why not continue to grow it and help even more customers?
Almost any successful business has the potential to keep growing. It's a matter of taking your products and services and multiplying the number of people you sell to. It can be as simple as lining up a few marketing partners. There are likely to be other key steps, such as making better use of your time, building your team and mastering the art of delegation.
The challenge at this stage is to move from doing all the work to leading your team and building your company. It's not easy to make the shift while you're in the thick of it. That's why having a mentor to guide you -- and hold your feet to the fire -- is almost essential.

FINDING FINANCIAL FREEDOM

Do you ever get this in your email box: Find Financial Freedom! Make $150,000 from home in the next 90 days! How about 10 times a day?

Every time I get one of these, I think to myself, “Hmmm, Financial Freedom. I already have financial freedom, even though it doesn’t look like what these emails promise me.”

Financial freedom is a buzzword for our generation. It is the pursuit of literally millions of people. So what is it? Is it that elusive? Can anyone get it?

Let me start by saying that this article will not be about how to earn money, or even more money. Rather, it will be about how to find financial freedom, which may or may not involve making more money.

Financial freedom – here we go!

The first step in finding financial freedom is to realize that financial freedom has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you have or make. What? Exactly. Financial freedom is something that goes on inside of you. This is why someone who makes very little can be happy and someone who makes a ton can be extremely stressed out over his or her financial situation. So the first step is to realize that financial freedom is more about our attitudes toward money than about the amount of money.

“Okay Chris, I’m with you. So what are the attitudes that provide financial freedom?” Here are a few that keep me in financial freedom.

I do not have to worry about money.
I used to catch myself saying, “If I had more money, then I wouldn’t have to worry about …” But do you know what? I don’t have to worry anyway. I can control my income. I can control my outgo. I can make choices that can alleviate any of my worries. I also realized that things always work out. So why worry? I choose not to worry.

I can be happy regardless of my financial state.
I know people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars and I know people who don’t have two nickels to rub together. Some are happy and some aren’t. And none of the people who have a lot of money say to me, “Chris, I’ve become so happy since I got money.” They were happy before they had money and they are happy now that they have money. Their happiness has nothing to do with the money. I think it was the Billionaire David Geffen who said, “Anyone who says that money will buy them happiness has never had any money.”

Money will be a means to an end, not the end itself.
Another way to look at it is that money will be a tool to build the house, not the house itself. I would set some financial goals if I were you, but go beyond that to know what greater purpose there will be when you reach them. What will the house be that you will build with that tool?

I am free.
I am free to earn – some people think it is bad to earn more money. It isn’t. I am free to save – some people believe it is bad to save. It isn’t. I am free to give money away – some people feel they will be better off hoarding it. They won’t. I am free to spend – some people believe that they can’t spend anything on themselves. They can. We are free to make choices. That is financial freedom. One of my favorite quotes is from Charles Wesley, “Earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can.” That will keep you in financial freedom.

Some other principles for financial freedom…

Debt is the primary freedom killer.
Want financial freedom? The first thing you should do is to get out of debt. That is priority number one. One of the reasons I have financial freedom is that I have no debt other than my house payment. And I work hard to manage myself and our home to keep us that way. For years I drove an old junker car, and while I looked bad, I had financial freedom that others who were in debt didn’t have!

There is an old proverb – The borrower is the servant of the lender. Who has freedom? The lender. Who doesn’t? The borrower. Develop a plan to get out of debt!

Embrace delayed gratification.
Here is the principle: Buy it now and struggle later. Another principle: Delay it now, invest the money, and have all you want later on! And you won’t even have to touch the principal! We tend to think that having it now will bring enjoyment, but unless you can do it and not cause yourself financial stress, you will actually get more from waiting to buy it later!

Have more by managing better. The fact is that most of us earn enough. What would be beneficial would be to set our priorities and live by a budget. As we get control, our budget will loosen up a bit and we will find ourselves enjoying it more. Money that is already there can be your answer if you put it to work for you.

Spend some time thinking through your attitudes about money. You may be surprised at how you can change a few, look at things a little bit differently and begin to enjoy true financial freedom!

TRUST IN RELATIONSHIP

We have been taught to believe trust is a commodity to be earned by others. Once they have passed certain tests, then we feel safe to extend our trust. I would like to entertain the idea that trust can be a verb, rather than a noun. It's a choice you make and says much more about you than it does the person to whom you are extending that trust.

When you are involved in a relationship and you say you trust that person, it is more than a noun. It's not just a thing you extend to a person like a gift--it is followed up with behaviors--things you do and things you don't do.

When you trust someone, you know he or she will do the right thing. You know they have their affairs (no pun intended) under control. They are faithful and loyal. You don't need constant reassurance of this--you just know.

What you don't do is constantly grill a person about where he or she is and with whom he or she is spending time. You don't have him or her followed looking for proof of infidelity. You don't snoop around in his or her personal belongings or private places. You trust that he or she can be trusted.

Trusting has so much more to do with who you are as a person than it does with who your partner is. When you are secure in yourself and know that you are worthy to receive love, then it is natural to trust.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction says that if you look at life and see positive things then you will attract more of that positive energy into your life and vice versa.

If you always find yourself in relationships where you have been disappointed and lied to, ask yourself what it is about you that brings dishonorable people into your life. I'm not in any way blaming you for your misfortune, but I know people attract what they think about.

If you want more trust in your life, you have to be more trusting and more worthy of trust. You can't get from others what you don't possess in yourself. You must ask yourself, "Am I a trustworthy person? Does my partner realize that I have integrity and can be trusted? Do I extend trust to him or her?"

Of course, there will inevitably be someone you trusted who didn't deserve it, but don't allow that to shake the foundation of your self-confidence. It is right to trust the person with whom you are involved. If he or she is undeserving of your trust, in time this will be revealed to you and then you can move on and forgive--whether or not you choose to stay with the person. It does no good to stay if the trust is forever gone.

Beyond Lost Trust

I was recently talking to one of my clients about her readiness to begin a new relationship. This woman, Susan, had been divorced for about five years and believed she was ready for a new dating relationship in her life but nothing was happening for her.
I asked her if there was something holding her back. She is an attractive and fun-loving person. I suggested that maybe her ex-husband was still holding too much power over her emotions to allow her to engage in a relationship with someone new.

She thought about that and realized that what really happened is that when her husband had an affair with a much younger woman, it totally shook her self-esteem. If she doesn't like herself, how can someone else be attracted to her?

So often, when our trust is shattered, we tend to look at ourselves. What's wrong with me? Why did someone I love betray me? Why didn't I see it? Instead, we need to look at thecharacter flaw in the other person. When someone makes a promise to another and breaks it, then that is a flaw in them, not you.

Trusting really comes down to which is most important to you--trust or self-protection? If you are more concerned with keeping yourself safe, you probably won't trust because you are afraid of being hurt. However, can you really protect yourself? Won't you still be hurt to learn of a loved one's deception? Without trust, you will never achieve that level of intimacy a trusting relationship provides. What will you really lose by trusting?

The most important thing, though, is to not lose respect for yourself. You are a worthy person. Spend some time engaging in some self-nurturing behavior. Learn to love yourself again. Your self-esteem cannot be based on the frailties of another person.

I have two questions. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone whom you can't trust? And do you want to be in a relationship where you are behaving as a jealous, crazy person?

Trust is Multi-Level

The trust one needs in a relationship is multi-level. At the base level, there is a trust in your partner. Your partner may deserve your trust or he or she may not. You have no control over that at all. If a person is unworthy of your trust, that in no way diminishes you.

At the next level is a trust in oneself. At this level, it is important to trust your own instincts in people. You may not always be right. People are very good at deception if they want to be. However, if you trust in yourself and your good judgment, when you make a mistake you won't be devastated. You just realize that you were involved with a person who was a master of deception and you move on undaunted but perhaps a bit wiser.

Finally, there is trust in the universal order of things--a divine spirit, if you will. If you have total and complete trust in the Universal Spirit or your Higher Power then that trust will never be betrayed. The Universal Spirit will always provide you with what you need whenever you have a need.

Have you lost your trust? Do you want to get it back? Let go of the wrong that was done, trust in yourself again and ultimately trust in the Universal Spirit to provide you what you need when you need it. You will discover a sense of peace and calm that will sustain you through the difficult and lonely times.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE EVERYTHING

Your Foundation for Success
Relationship Selling is the core of all modern selling strategies. Your ability to develop and maintain long-term customer relationships is the foundation for your success as a salesperson and your success in business. Relationship selling requires a clear understanding of the dynamics of the selling process as they are experienced by your customer.
Propose a Business Marriage
For your customer, a buying decision usually means a decision to enter into a long-term relationship with you and your company. It is very much like a "business marriage." Before the customer decides to buy, he can take you or leave you. He doesn't need you or your company. He has a variety of options and choices open to him, including not buying anything at all. But when your customer makes a decision to buy from you and gives you money for the product or service you are selling, he becomes dependent on you. And since he has probably had bad buying experiences in the past, he is very uneasy and uncertain about getting into this kind of dependency relationship.
Fulfill Your Promises
What if you let the customer down? What if your product does not work as you promised? What if you don't service it and support it as you promised? What if it breaks down and he can't get it replaced? What if the product or service is completely inappropriate for his needs? These are real dilemmas that go through the mind of every customer when it comes time to make the critical buying decision.
Focus on the Relationship
Because of the complexity of most products and services today, especially high-tech products, the relationship is actually more important than the product. The customer doesn't know the ingredients or components of your product, or how your company functions, or how he will be treated after he has given you his money, but he can make an assessment about you and about the relationship that has developed between the two of you over the course of the selling process. So in reality, the customer's decision is based on the fact that he has come to trust you and believe in what you say.
Build a Solid Trust Bond
In many cases, the quality of your relationship with the customer is thecompetitive advantage that enables you to edge out others who may have similar products and services. The quality of the trust bond that exists between you and your customers can be so strong that no other competitor can get between you.
Keep Your Customers for Life
The single biggest mistake that causes salespeople to lose customers is taking those customers for granted. This is a form of "customer entropy." It is when the salesperson relaxes his efforts and begins to ignore the customer. Almost 70 percent of customers who walked away from their existing suppliers later replied that they made the change primarily because of a lack of attention from the company.
Once you have invested the time and made the efforts necessary to build a high-quality, trust-based relationship with your customer, you must maintain that relationship for the life of your business. You must never take it for granted.
Action Exercises
First, focus on building a high quality relationship with each customer by treating your customer so well that he comes back, buys again and refers you to his friends.
Second, pay attention to your existing customers. Tell them you appreciate them. Look for ways to thank them and encourage them to come back and do business with you again.