It seems to me that Americans are deeply unsure of our ability to create the life we actually want. This confusion afflicts others around the world, but I suspect Americans feel it specifically and acutely.We've long battled over "nature vs. nurture." How much of our life is "born into us" or genetically controlled? And, how much of life is shaped by our parents, our childhood, our schools and training, our personal choices? We love the quote that "it's never too late to become the person you always dreamed of becoming." But we also know the quote, "There are no second acts in American life." We remember, "You can't teach and old dog new tricks," and contrast it with Robert Schuller's more hopeful, "We become what we think about all day long."Perhaps the most painful conflicts are from our personal experience. We have all changed in major, dramatic and permanent ways. We learn new skills or have an "Aha!" moment and we are never the same. Sometimes one new piece of information or key idea changes everything! One brief conversation, and sometimes it's not even a conversation but a phrase, a picture, or a word, and our lives change. It happens and we know it!But we also know that "old habits die hard." We make New Year's Resolutions until they've become a sad joke. We read books, set goals, take classes, get coaching, and still old habits haunt our lives. We over-spend or over-eat. We exercise too little, save too little, give too little. We chronically "over-schedule" our time and wonder why our lives are stressed, hectic, busy and unfulfilled, complaining that we "can't change."So, how about it? Do people change? Of course we do! All the time and in many, many ways. And, sadly, of course we do not change. We plow blindly ahead and become the "Fast Food Nation" immersed in foolish debt, or the person who dies with "their music still inside them."What are the key pieces that allow some people to "invent themselves?" Some people "invent themselves" over and over, moving from one achievement to another, learning the skills and living the life of their dreams. I think there are four absolute fundamentals. These are key essentials that I look for in every new client I agree to coach because I am convinced they determine our ability to change and grow in the ways we desire.
1. First, an absolute sense of Positive Self-Direction. This is partly confidence (sometimes almost a sense of cockiness) that "I can and will change." Some people doubt they can change, believing other people, or something outside themselves is running their life. I look for a positive, active, eager sense that "this is my life and I'm in charge," an attitude that says, "It's my life and I will do this."
2. Second, knowing precisely WHAT they want. Many people seek changes that are vague, unclear or general. They want to "feel better" or "have more." People change when they quantify and measure the outcome (results) they seek.
3.Third, knowing HOW to do the thing they desire. Living well is a skill. None of us were born knowing how to drive a car, make love, raise kids or build a business. Some of us think we know "how" when in fact we're still using old, failed or ineffective strategies and hoping that somehow, someday, we'll get "lucky." Successful people seek out the best teachers, models, coaches, and classes. They constantly seek new skills and better tools because "success leaves clues." Winners are the world's best "copy cats." They do what other winners have done to get similar (or better!) results.
4. Fourth (and most important), winners use SYSTEMS to make them do what they want to do. Most of us have "systems" that encourage watching television after dinner--perhaps after that extra desert! Many of us have "systems" that encourage us to dream but not to act. Winners are accountable to stockholders, a Board of Directors, a partner, coach or MasterMind team. They create schedules or other automatic SYSTEMS to help them focus, act and persist until new habits are firmly implanted.Can you make the changes you want in your life? Of course you can! You've changed in the past and you can (and will) change in the future. The keys to making the positive, powerful changes you desire are maintaining a sense of Positive Self-Direction, deciding WHAT you want, learning HOW to do it, and creating a SYSTEM to get there. It can be done and you can do it!
Quotes of the Week
"The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives." -- Louise Hay
"A moment of choice is a moment of truth. It's the testing point of our character and competence." -- Stephen Covey
"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." -- Zig Ziglar
"Trust that still, small voice that says, This might work and I'll try it." -- Diane Mariechild
No comments:
Post a Comment