In a famous speech, Dr Martin Luther King, Jr., dreamed of a day when we would judge others "by the content of their character." I think it was Dr Joyce Brothers who said, "character is what we do when no one can see us." I've always liked that!
As a society, we don't talk much about character any more, except around elections. A hundred years ago, schools spent time teaching "morals" and "upright living." Today those things are not allowed, much less emphasized. As a result, I often wonder if the "content" of character is changing.
I also note how little time most of us get to ourselves. A hundred years ago, most people were often alone. True, the cities were crowded but most people got some time alone every day. Farmers and many shop owners worked alone. People walked or rode horseback. Since there were no lights or electronic diversions, people went to bed when it got dark.
Today, we crave information and entertainment. We have our iPods when we exercise. We have the radio in our cars. The television is on even if no one is watching. We Twitter and email and text or call each other constantly. For many people, dialing their cell phone is an essential part of starting their cars.
All of that leads to this: Time alone may be a good thing and a forgotten art.
I'll go further, time alone may be required to know ourselves well. Of course we also discover parts of ourselves in our interactions with other people. We learn about our values or tastes every time we go to a restaurant, meet new people, choose a movie or argue with a friend. A huge part of "who we are" is who we are with people! We are social creatures and we "find ourselves" in connection with other people.
But we are also individuals. In many ways, we are flying solo. As the old saw goes, we come into this world alone and we go out of it alone. I suspect time by ourselves, when "no one can see us" gives important clues to our character.
These past ten days, it's been interesting to notice what time I went to bed and what time I got up in the morning. It's been interesting to notice what and how I ate, whether I washed my dishes, and whether I shaved in the morning. Did I exercise? What shows did I watch when I didn't have to negotiate with anyone? How much did I work and how much did I spend? Was being by myself lonely or peaceful, or something else?
Who we are when no one is watching tells us a lot about our "true selves."
I think this has both spiritual and profound practical applications.
On a philosophical level, wise people from Socrates to Shakespeare, to Mother Theresa advised that the unexamined life is not worth living. They've suggested that we know ourselves first, then be true to who we are. They recommended times of contemplation, times of solitude, times of meditation. Wise folks have encouraged solitary walks, times for retreat, times of fasting. Jesus is reported to have spent forty days alone in the wilderness.
We are different people when we are alone. We discover things about ourselves that are often hidden in the noise of society. On a purely theoretical level, I suspect time alone is a good thing.
And on a practical level, we need time, peace and quiet to make good decisions. It is not only teenagers who face peer pressure when making important ethical, personal and business decisions. How often have you been "talked into" buying something you didn't want or doing something you regretted? We've all done that.
We've all felt times of confusion, pressure or distraction and exclaimed, "I need time to think!"
When we are bombarded by external stimulation we discover the part of ourselves that is very smart, that can multi-task, handle enormous amounts of information and enjoys music, news and entertainment. That part is good! But constant stimulation also deprives us of another part of ourselves, the part that enjoys a sunrise, a good book, or giving thanks.
I recommend time alone. Obviously, some people enjoy more alone time than others, but I suspect we all benefit from at least some time to discover our own thoughts, our preferences, our "self." Schedule a weekend alone at a favorite cabin or resort. Once a week, turn off the iPod and go for a quiet walk or have lunch in a local park, alone. Journal in the mornings or turn off the television, go outside and watch a sunset or the stars. All alone, you may find a really interesting person and discover something of your true character.
No comments:
Post a Comment