The start of a new year is traditionally a time for taking
inventory and committing to new and better things in the
year ahead. Some still call them "New Year's Resolutions",
but I'm not a fan of that phrase.
It's worn-out and too filled with memories of past failure
to inspire much hope for the future. If it works for you,
go for it! But for myself, I prefer a more analytical
process. Rather than Resolutions, I prefer to make plans,
design strategies, make clear commitments, and then execute
them on a daily basis. It works better for me.
So, what specific plans, strategies and commitments should
you make for this brand new year? That, of course, is
always the rub.
The temptation is to make big, grandiose plans for wealth,
achievement and (at long last) the success you've always
desired. Those big, impressive plans sound so good! They
impress us--and our friends--and that's good. But too
often, they also include things beyond our control (like a
booming economy or the cooperation of the market-place) and
while they sound good, they also fill us with anxiety and
undermine our confidence.
My suggestion is to set goals you can absolutely control,
and to divide them between internal and external goals.
The first part is easy. Goals should always be under your
personal control. It's usually a mistake to set a goal for
other people to start doing things they have not done in
the past. Goals for "world peace" or for "my spouse to quit
drinking" might be examples. We can always encourage others
to change their behavior, but in the end, most of us have
enough trouble controlling our own behavior without trying
to control others.
For 2013, set goals that begin with, "I will. . ."
A goal that, "I will read 10 books this year," followed by
a list of the ten books you've chosen is a great goal! On
the other hand, a goal that "This year my teenage daughter
will choose more appropriate boyfriends," is more
problematic. Don't set yourself up for that! How about
changing it to, "This year I will be a better listener and
do what I can as a skilled parent to help my daughter
make smarter choices"? I think it will work out better.
Second, make sure the majority of your goals are internal
goals that are completely under your control. A goal that
"This year I will be more patient" or a goal to "Be more
thoughtful around the house" is under your control. You can
do it and your success is entirely up to you. There are
strategies that will help you and which do not depend on
other people.
Work harder on changing yourself than on changing others.
Become a person of kindness, wisdom and generosity, and
other people will respond to you in wonderful ways.
Third, and lastly, set external goals. These are goals
where your actions can have a powerful influence on the
outcome, but you accept that the results are not completely
under your control. You might set goals to increase your
income or to publish the book you've always wanted to
write. These are good and important goals! But, they are
very different from internal goals.
You can have a goal for a family vacation to Hawaii, but
recognize that illness, weather, scheduling and a myriad of
other things may disrupt even the best plans. You are not a
failure if you've done what you can do, but a typhoon hits
the Big Island on the day of your departure!
Most people set too many external goals and too few
internal ones. External goals are good! Most of the time,
we achieve them and that's wonderful! But even when we do,
the results can be transitory and, sometimes disappointing.
In contrast, internal goals stay with us forever. They
transform our lives and empower us to continue achieving
external goals for the rest of our lives.
"Work harder on yourself." I think you'll like the results.
inventory and committing to new and better things in the
year ahead. Some still call them "New Year's Resolutions",
but I'm not a fan of that phrase.
It's worn-out and too filled with memories of past failure
to inspire much hope for the future. If it works for you,
go for it! But for myself, I prefer a more analytical
process. Rather than Resolutions, I prefer to make plans,
design strategies, make clear commitments, and then execute
them on a daily basis. It works better for me.
So, what specific plans, strategies and commitments should
you make for this brand new year? That, of course, is
always the rub.
The temptation is to make big, grandiose plans for wealth,
achievement and (at long last) the success you've always
desired. Those big, impressive plans sound so good! They
impress us--and our friends--and that's good. But too
often, they also include things beyond our control (like a
booming economy or the cooperation of the market-place) and
while they sound good, they also fill us with anxiety and
undermine our confidence.
My suggestion is to set goals you can absolutely control,
and to divide them between internal and external goals.
The first part is easy. Goals should always be under your
personal control. It's usually a mistake to set a goal for
other people to start doing things they have not done in
the past. Goals for "world peace" or for "my spouse to quit
drinking" might be examples. We can always encourage others
to change their behavior, but in the end, most of us have
enough trouble controlling our own behavior without trying
to control others.
For 2013, set goals that begin with, "I will. . ."
A goal that, "I will read 10 books this year," followed by
a list of the ten books you've chosen is a great goal! On
the other hand, a goal that "This year my teenage daughter
will choose more appropriate boyfriends," is more
problematic. Don't set yourself up for that! How about
changing it to, "This year I will be a better listener and
do what I can as a skilled parent to help my daughter
make smarter choices"? I think it will work out better.
Second, make sure the majority of your goals are internal
goals that are completely under your control. A goal that
"This year I will be more patient" or a goal to "Be more
thoughtful around the house" is under your control. You can
do it and your success is entirely up to you. There are
strategies that will help you and which do not depend on
other people.
Work harder on changing yourself than on changing others.
Become a person of kindness, wisdom and generosity, and
other people will respond to you in wonderful ways.
Third, and lastly, set external goals. These are goals
where your actions can have a powerful influence on the
outcome, but you accept that the results are not completely
under your control. You might set goals to increase your
income or to publish the book you've always wanted to
write. These are good and important goals! But, they are
very different from internal goals.
You can have a goal for a family vacation to Hawaii, but
recognize that illness, weather, scheduling and a myriad of
other things may disrupt even the best plans. You are not a
failure if you've done what you can do, but a typhoon hits
the Big Island on the day of your departure!
Most people set too many external goals and too few
internal ones. External goals are good! Most of the time,
we achieve them and that's wonderful! But even when we do,
the results can be transitory and, sometimes disappointing.
In contrast, internal goals stay with us forever. They
transform our lives and empower us to continue achieving
external goals for the rest of our lives.
"Work harder on yourself." I think you'll like the results.
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