Ten years ago, I took some advice that nearly destroyed a business and a friendship. The experience taught me something about leadership, advisory boards, and wisdom.
Here's what happened. Our company needed a new senior leader. We had interviewed a very clever person who on paper looked amazing, had multiple degrees, and had positioned himself as a big thinker in our industry. But something about him had my Spidey Senses tingling. And I wasn't alone. One of my partners had some serious concerns about his values.
Since the rest of our leadership team wanted to hire him, we agreed to take the negotiations to the next level. I decided to phone a friend who had worked with the candidate in the past. My buddy's counsel was as confident as it was quick: "Mike, you should definitely hire him."
You've seen this movie and know how it ends. We hired the guy, he poisoned our culture, our best people were rightly dumbfounded, and our clients wondered if we'd lost our way. With one hire our culture, revenue, and brand all took a serious hit. It wasn't long before I was wondering what, in the name of all that is holy, was my friend thinking when he recommended the guy.
Here's the lesson: Leaders get asked for their advice all the time. The best, never, ever, ever give it. (Author's note: I sometimes give advice. And yes, this means I am not in "the best of us" leadership category. I am working on it.)
In my experience, there is nothing that blows up a forum, an advisory board, or a business friendship more consistently than giving advice.
This of course sounds counterintuitive. After all, leaders have well-earned wisdom and all the bumps, scars, and nightmares that come with it. Why not tell people where all the land mines are along the road to success?
Here's why you should never, ever tell people what they should do: The negative outcome can become your fault.
Imagine you tell your friend they should hire a new rainmaker and she winds up embezzling from the company. Or you tell someone they should fire their COO, which results in a lawsuit. Chances are your buddy will be as angry with you as they are with their former Rainmaker or COO--after all, it was your advice that resulted in all the subsequent pain.
The simple solution to the advice trap is to share experience, not advice. Using the two examples above as a place to start, my experience sharing sounds something like this:
"When my company was about the same size as yours, I hired a rainmaker with almost identical credentials, and she helped us double our sales within a year. Or, "My former COO used to talk the same way to our team. He often caused more drama than positive outcomes. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to let him go and we saw an immediate improvement in our culture."
When you share an experience with someone, they can decide what to do with it. They may decide to take the same path you did, or they may not. Either way, you cannot get blamed for negative outcomes because you never told them what to do. Instead, you shared what you did under similar circumstances.
Some watch-outs when sharing experiences:
- - Never use the word should, e.g., "You should do what I did when I had the same problem." Don't should on people--at the very least, it's rude.
- Be careful not to disguise advice as an experience share. If you find yourself creatively spinning sentences to get the outcome you want, you are likely giving advice. Saying "If I were you, this is what I would do" stinks just as much as using should on people.
- - Start by acknowledging the complexity of a situation, e.g., "Wow, that's a complicated challenge. Let me share a similar experience I've had that may be helpful."
- - Let go for a better grip. Once you have shared your experience, become unattached to the action your friend decides to take. Ultimately, it is their decision, not yours.
- - Apologize when you--like me--mess up and give advice despite knowing it isn't prudent.
You'll find the more you care about someone, the harder it is to keep from shoulding them. But sharing experiences is a safer and sweeter way to give the gift of wisdom.
BY MIKE MADDOCK, SERIAL ENTREPRENEUR@THEIDEAMONKEY
No comments:
Post a Comment