The more successful people are, it seems, the more mistakes they’ve made. Errors often turn out to be more valuable down the road than the expected outcome. Just ask the chemist who was trying to cook up a strong glue and thought he’d failed -- the resulting adhesive is used by millions daily on "Post it" notes! Knowing what to do about, and with, our mistakes is one of the best success tools around.
1. Accept the reality that mistakes are part of everyone’s life -- even yours. You have made, are making, and will always make mistakes.
To be perfect and human is a contradiction in terms (sort of like jumbo shrimp, etc.) Make peace with this fact of life, and you’re well on your way to a great tasting lemonade from those proverbial lemons.
2. Differentiate between the small stuff and situations that are warning signals. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Some people lose sight of the fact that those little errors (forgetting someone’s name, breaking your partners favorite coffee mug) are just part of life (see #1). However, if the same type of situation keeps happening -- if you always scramble at the last minute to complete a task, if your co-workers and family continually complain that communicating with you is difficult -- pay attention. Someone once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!
3. Accept responsibility for your mistakes.
It’s easy to blame other people, poor procedures, miscommunication, etc. for the failure of a project or situation. That only sets you up to repeat the same errors again and again. Go off alone, sit in silence for a while, and ask yourself -- What did I do to contribute to this situation? How can I make it better next time? How did my behavior affect other peoples’ actions?
4. Find people with whom you can process the situation.
Seek out honest and trustworthy supporters who will not sugarcoat their feedback or divert you with too much sympathy (a little reassurance and empathy, are, however, always welcome!). Ask for time specifically to discuss your mistakes and how you can learn from them. Offer to reciprocate (see #1!). It’s amazing how the process of actually verbalizing our concerns and challenges can help us solve them.
5. Own responsibility for your mistakes.
Share your insights with your boss, co-workers, friends, and family as appropriate. Tell them how you’ll change your behavior, or ask for input. (My inability to get the statistics on time delayed the project for a week. From now on, I plan to allow six weeks instead of three for information gathering. Do you have any other suggestions?)
6. Expect that you’ll make mistakes even in your areas of expertise.
For example, in my twenty years’ experience working with people, I’m usually able to communicate or reach some kind of mutual understanding with almost everyone I encounter. There are, however, those memorable folks who have really tripped me up. I learn more about myself, in a shorter period of time, in these situations than in almost any other. Time and distance eventually ease the embarrassment and awkwardness, and the value of the learning far outweighs the temporary discomfort.
7. Be prepared for your mistakes with constructive self-talk.
Start by tuning in to how you talk to yourself when those little things go wrong. Replace that internal self-flagellation (Damn, what a klutz! It’s amazing ALL my dishes aren’t broken!) with well-grounded support and encouragement (OK; I’m trying to do too much too quickly. Let me just stop and breathe for a minute here and slow down.) Be sure your language is self-enhancing (I’m going to allow myself fifteen more minutes to get across town from now on) rather than self-defeating
(Late again! I just can’t seem to get anywhere on time!). This is especially important for those times when #6 kicks in.
(Late again! I just can’t seem to get anywhere on time!). This is especially important for those times when #6 kicks in.
8. Mistakes often happen when things are going well.
People tend to get over-confident or over-anxious when all their hard work starts paying off. The key here is to strive for balance. Self confidence is important, combined with a healthy dose of reality, proper perspective and enough concern to maintain motivation and forward momentum.
9. The bigger the mistake, the more important lessons it contains.
Use the questions in #3 as a starting point. As painful as it is to examine a tough situation closely, the information it will yield is priceless.
10. USE the information you gain from your mistakes immediately, and integrate it into your daily life, activities, and behaviours'.
A colleague once told me: Information without implementation is useless.
- by Nancy Birnbaum-Gerber
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