Last year, I read the wonderful novel, "The Devil Wears
Prada," and a couple weeks after that, I watched
the movie on DVD. It's a good book and Anne Hathaway and
Meryl Streep work well together in the movie, but the most
important line in both the book and the movie are the
words, "I don't have a choice."
The story's about an ambitious young woman who gets a dream
job ("a million women would kill for your job!") working
for the editor of a top fashion magazine. Soon, the job and
her boss have taken over her life, leaving her exhausted,
harming her relationships, and causing her to violate her
principles. But, through it all, she explains, "I have no
choice." She's afraid of being fired. She's afraid of
failure. She's afraid to stand up for herself. And in the
end, she loses her sense of who she is.
Of course, in the book and movie, it's all very dramatic
and the "slippery slope" is rarely so clear in real life.
But the phrase, "I have to" has become a normal part of our
vocabulary.
Every day, I hear people say they "have to" go to work, run
errands, answer the phone, or do some other chore. In most
cases, what they mean is that some task or responsibility
they have agreed to fulfill is calling and they "must" take
care of it. I understand that.
But it's also essential that we are careful about the
language we use with ourselves! Our brain is always
listening to what we say, especially when we talk to
ourselves!
When I speak to various audiences and conferences, I often
tell participants there is only one thing we "must" do. I
ask them to name it and people typically mention that they
"have to" work, eat, breath or take care of their family.
After they've listed various things for a moment, I tell
them the only thing I believe we "must" do is die.
EVERYTHING else is a choice.
Now, I highly recommend you pay your taxes. I recommend you
eat and breath and address a hundred other ordinary
responsibilities, but the point is, you do NOT "have to!"
Your life belongs to you, and only you can decide how you
will live it. Your life is a "do it yourself project." Make
sure you create the life you truly want!
Obviously, we all make compromises in life. We've agreed to
do certain things. We have responsibilities. We've learned
that to "get along, sometimes we have to go along." And in
the "margins" of life, there's nothing wrong with that. But
in the "big" things, in the core of who you are and how you
live your life, your choices DO matter. In fact, your
choices make all the difference in the world.
I begin most days by writing in my journal, and on my desk
I have a card with the following reminder: "Today, I am in
charge. I choose my thoughts. I choose my attitudes. I
choose my actions. And through them, I choose my destiny."
Your life belongs to you, and what you do with it is your
greatest responsibility.
I rarely recommend that we make big or dramatic life
changes. Life is a bit like steering a cruise ship and
sudden changes can throw lots of people off-balance.
Fortunately, life rarely asks us to do that. But, lots of
small, incremental daily changes can work miracles!
If you are headed where you want to go in life, good for
you! Keep on going! But, if you would like something more
or different for your life, accept that you are in charge.
You do not "have to" repeat yesterday's habits! Make new
choices. Take charge. Make small, repeated changes in your
thoughts, your habits, your actions and, ultimately, in
your destiny. You can do this!
Prada," and a couple weeks after that, I watched
the movie on DVD. It's a good book and Anne Hathaway and
Meryl Streep work well together in the movie, but the most
important line in both the book and the movie are the
words, "I don't have a choice."
The story's about an ambitious young woman who gets a dream
job ("a million women would kill for your job!") working
for the editor of a top fashion magazine. Soon, the job and
her boss have taken over her life, leaving her exhausted,
harming her relationships, and causing her to violate her
principles. But, through it all, she explains, "I have no
choice." She's afraid of being fired. She's afraid of
failure. She's afraid to stand up for herself. And in the
end, she loses her sense of who she is.
Of course, in the book and movie, it's all very dramatic
and the "slippery slope" is rarely so clear in real life.
But the phrase, "I have to" has become a normal part of our
vocabulary.
Every day, I hear people say they "have to" go to work, run
errands, answer the phone, or do some other chore. In most
cases, what they mean is that some task or responsibility
they have agreed to fulfill is calling and they "must" take
care of it. I understand that.
But it's also essential that we are careful about the
language we use with ourselves! Our brain is always
listening to what we say, especially when we talk to
ourselves!
When I speak to various audiences and conferences, I often
tell participants there is only one thing we "must" do. I
ask them to name it and people typically mention that they
"have to" work, eat, breath or take care of their family.
After they've listed various things for a moment, I tell
them the only thing I believe we "must" do is die.
EVERYTHING else is a choice.
Now, I highly recommend you pay your taxes. I recommend you
eat and breath and address a hundred other ordinary
responsibilities, but the point is, you do NOT "have to!"
Your life belongs to you, and only you can decide how you
will live it. Your life is a "do it yourself project." Make
sure you create the life you truly want!
Obviously, we all make compromises in life. We've agreed to
do certain things. We have responsibilities. We've learned
that to "get along, sometimes we have to go along." And in
the "margins" of life, there's nothing wrong with that. But
in the "big" things, in the core of who you are and how you
live your life, your choices DO matter. In fact, your
choices make all the difference in the world.
I begin most days by writing in my journal, and on my desk
I have a card with the following reminder: "Today, I am in
charge. I choose my thoughts. I choose my attitudes. I
choose my actions. And through them, I choose my destiny."
Your life belongs to you, and what you do with it is your
greatest responsibility.
I rarely recommend that we make big or dramatic life
changes. Life is a bit like steering a cruise ship and
sudden changes can throw lots of people off-balance.
Fortunately, life rarely asks us to do that. But, lots of
small, incremental daily changes can work miracles!
If you are headed where you want to go in life, good for
you! Keep on going! But, if you would like something more
or different for your life, accept that you are in charge.
You do not "have to" repeat yesterday's habits! Make new
choices. Take charge. Make small, repeated changes in your
thoughts, your habits, your actions and, ultimately, in
your destiny. You can do this!
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