Recently, I've received a number of emails from people
asking how they can motivate themselves and push forward
when they are discouraged. Sometimes the writer describes
it as depression, other times they use words like
frustration, or feeling "stuck" and they want to know how
to turn things around. That's a great question!
We all feel discouraged or frustrated or "stuck" at times.
Whether it's being at our "wits end" with our kids or being
scared that a business venture won't work out, or confused
by our own behavior about something we want but seem unable
to achieve, we all have these feelings!
Unfortunately, one of the first things I notice is that
many people ask themselves terrible questions! They ask
"Why am I so stuck?" or, "Why does this always happen to
me?" Notice the assumptions they make about being "so"
stuck and that this sense of discouragement or frustration
"always" happens. With questions like that, no wonder they
stay stuck!
A much better question is, "How do highly successful people
handle these experiences and get back on track?"
Here are a few of my observations about how successful
people handle the roadblocks and frustrations of life.
1. First, they acknowledge that what they are doing isn't
working, and they stop to catch their breath. They do NOT
beat their head against a wall! Take a break! Get some
objectivity and relax a bit. When you're discouraged,
frustrated, depressed or stuck, be honest enough to say,
"this isn't working" and give yourself a rest.
2. Second, they get curious. They want to understand
exactly what's happening. Often, the first step to a cure
is an accurate diagnosis of the problem! There is a huge
difference between being discouraged (it may be time for a
vacation or a new perspective), verses depression (it may
be time to see a doctor or at least get some exercise).
Frustration, on the other hand, is the firm belief that my
goal is entirely possible, it's just not happening fast
enough!
3. They double-check their values and highest aspirations.
Often we are frustrated because our goal is not consistent
with our values. Sometimes we sabotage or procrastinate
because deep inside we don't truly want what we say we
want. Human beings can achieve amazing results when they
are totally committed. Unfortunately, we are also capable
of fooling ourselves about this.
4. They ask great questions. They ask, "What worked for me
in the past?" or "How have other people solved this
problem?" They consult with experts, read books, search the
Internet, and find answers that can help them move forward.
If nothing else, they ask, "What crazy, off-the-wall thing
could I try just for fun?"
5. They take DIFFERENT action. After checking their
values, perhaps taking a short rest, and asking great
questions, successful people do something different than
what they were doing. They try another way. They hire an
assistant or a consultant. They develop a new strategy or
change their approach.
I've come to believe that discouragement, a sense of
impending failure, and especially frustration are actually
very useful "early warning signs." They are the brain's way
of telling us our objective is reachable, but that we are
going about it the wrong way. These normal experiences tell
us to step back, get perspective, take a deep breath, and
think clearly! Strategize. Be creative. Ask better
questions.
And most important, clarify your values and be certain they
support you in achieving your goal. I think ambivalence is
perhaps the greatest source of discouragement. We want more
money, but don't want to be away from home. We want to lose
weight, but enjoy eating too much. Get clear!
When our values align with our goals, and we ask the right
questions, anything is possible! Use discouragement to your
advantage! It's your brain telling you to pause, develop a
better strategy, and work smarter rather than harder.
asking how they can motivate themselves and push forward
when they are discouraged. Sometimes the writer describes
it as depression, other times they use words like
frustration, or feeling "stuck" and they want to know how
to turn things around. That's a great question!
We all feel discouraged or frustrated or "stuck" at times.
Whether it's being at our "wits end" with our kids or being
scared that a business venture won't work out, or confused
by our own behavior about something we want but seem unable
to achieve, we all have these feelings!
Unfortunately, one of the first things I notice is that
many people ask themselves terrible questions! They ask
"Why am I so stuck?" or, "Why does this always happen to
me?" Notice the assumptions they make about being "so"
stuck and that this sense of discouragement or frustration
"always" happens. With questions like that, no wonder they
stay stuck!
A much better question is, "How do highly successful people
handle these experiences and get back on track?"
Here are a few of my observations about how successful
people handle the roadblocks and frustrations of life.
1. First, they acknowledge that what they are doing isn't
working, and they stop to catch their breath. They do NOT
beat their head against a wall! Take a break! Get some
objectivity and relax a bit. When you're discouraged,
frustrated, depressed or stuck, be honest enough to say,
"this isn't working" and give yourself a rest.
2. Second, they get curious. They want to understand
exactly what's happening. Often, the first step to a cure
is an accurate diagnosis of the problem! There is a huge
difference between being discouraged (it may be time for a
vacation or a new perspective), verses depression (it may
be time to see a doctor or at least get some exercise).
Frustration, on the other hand, is the firm belief that my
goal is entirely possible, it's just not happening fast
enough!
3. They double-check their values and highest aspirations.
Often we are frustrated because our goal is not consistent
with our values. Sometimes we sabotage or procrastinate
because deep inside we don't truly want what we say we
want. Human beings can achieve amazing results when they
are totally committed. Unfortunately, we are also capable
of fooling ourselves about this.
4. They ask great questions. They ask, "What worked for me
in the past?" or "How have other people solved this
problem?" They consult with experts, read books, search the
Internet, and find answers that can help them move forward.
If nothing else, they ask, "What crazy, off-the-wall thing
could I try just for fun?"
5. They take DIFFERENT action. After checking their
values, perhaps taking a short rest, and asking great
questions, successful people do something different than
what they were doing. They try another way. They hire an
assistant or a consultant. They develop a new strategy or
change their approach.
I've come to believe that discouragement, a sense of
impending failure, and especially frustration are actually
very useful "early warning signs." They are the brain's way
of telling us our objective is reachable, but that we are
going about it the wrong way. These normal experiences tell
us to step back, get perspective, take a deep breath, and
think clearly! Strategize. Be creative. Ask better
questions.
And most important, clarify your values and be certain they
support you in achieving your goal. I think ambivalence is
perhaps the greatest source of discouragement. We want more
money, but don't want to be away from home. We want to lose
weight, but enjoy eating too much. Get clear!
When our values align with our goals, and we ask the right
questions, anything is possible! Use discouragement to your
advantage! It's your brain telling you to pause, develop a
better strategy, and work smarter rather than harder.
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