Recently, I've noticed how many conversations I've had with
folks who are "stuck." They are not failures in any sense
of the word. But for the moment they are treading water,
marking time, or settling for far less than they desire.
They are "trying" really hard but they are making little or
no progress. They are stuck.
This is very different than merely "pausing." Sometimes,
after a huge project we choose to catch our breath before
moving on. Or, sometimes we aren't sure how to proceed and
have to wait for a new plan. There are many reasons to
"pause" and that can be a good thing, but it is very
different than being "stuck".
Being "stuck" is never good. It's frustrating and it
undermines our integrity, our self-worth, and our
confidence. And, for some people, being stuck seems to be a
habit. Too often, these people set unrealistic goals, or
create roadblocks or find excuses that prevent them from
achieving or enjoying the things they say they want in
life.
For those people, I have no real solutions. If you wish to
stay stuck, that is your right.
But for folks who are determined to get past the "stuck
places," there are a few strategies that have seemed
helpful, and I offer them with respect. We are all
different, and we get stuck for different reasons, and we
need strategies that fit our values and our situations, but
here are some ideas you may find useful:
1. Be honest about being stuck and get really frustrated
about it! Say it out loud. Admit your situation to
yourself, and get angry. Being stuck is not good and when
you get clear enough, and frustrated enough, your brain
will find a solution. Be clear that you will NOT stay
stuck, and be DETERMINED to find a solution. Sometimes,
healthy anger is a great motivator.
2. Get creative. List 20 crazy, insane, silly and original
ways to move forward. Give yourself time to brainstorm, to
"mindmap", or simply do the opposite of what you've been
trying. Shake loose, break the mold, or use that old
clich� "think outside the box." If you are stuck, get past
it!
3. Do research. Other folks have achieved what you want to
achieve, they found solutions and made it happen. Learn
from them. Ask questions. Read books, search online. Attend
seminars, take classes, call an expert, hire a coach, but
find out how other people have succeeded and do what they
did.
4. Question your intentions. Why are you stuck? Do you
really want what you say you want? Really? Is there someone
whose opinion disagrees with your goal? Are you sabotaging
yourself because of ambivalence, confusion, or because your
goal conflicts with one of your core values? If so, resolve
this conflict, then clarify new goals and move quickly
forward.
5. Baby steps are OK. This is my personal favorite. When
I'm stuck on a project I truly want, I give myself
permission to make the smallest, simplest, easiest steps
forward. I love BIG solutions and instant answers when I
can find them, but sometimes I have to settle for small,
incremental progress. Sometimes, we have to trust that
"inch by inch, anything's a cinch" and creep forward until
we find a way to make those giant leaps.
The key is never to stop moving! Too often, we confuse
"trying" or worrying, or talking or dreaming with actual
movement. There is no substitute for progress! Only actual
movement takes us forward.
If you have a goal or project that you really want to
achieve, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from
Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby
steps if you must. Ask for help. Try a different way. Hire
a coach. But never, never, never settle for stuck! Giving
up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the
only failures. Everything else is success-in-the-making.
folks who are "stuck." They are not failures in any sense
of the word. But for the moment they are treading water,
marking time, or settling for far less than they desire.
They are "trying" really hard but they are making little or
no progress. They are stuck.
This is very different than merely "pausing." Sometimes,
after a huge project we choose to catch our breath before
moving on. Or, sometimes we aren't sure how to proceed and
have to wait for a new plan. There are many reasons to
"pause" and that can be a good thing, but it is very
different than being "stuck".
Being "stuck" is never good. It's frustrating and it
undermines our integrity, our self-worth, and our
confidence. And, for some people, being stuck seems to be a
habit. Too often, these people set unrealistic goals, or
create roadblocks or find excuses that prevent them from
achieving or enjoying the things they say they want in
life.
For those people, I have no real solutions. If you wish to
stay stuck, that is your right.
But for folks who are determined to get past the "stuck
places," there are a few strategies that have seemed
helpful, and I offer them with respect. We are all
different, and we get stuck for different reasons, and we
need strategies that fit our values and our situations, but
here are some ideas you may find useful:
1. Be honest about being stuck and get really frustrated
about it! Say it out loud. Admit your situation to
yourself, and get angry. Being stuck is not good and when
you get clear enough, and frustrated enough, your brain
will find a solution. Be clear that you will NOT stay
stuck, and be DETERMINED to find a solution. Sometimes,
healthy anger is a great motivator.
2. Get creative. List 20 crazy, insane, silly and original
ways to move forward. Give yourself time to brainstorm, to
"mindmap", or simply do the opposite of what you've been
trying. Shake loose, break the mold, or use that old
clich� "think outside the box." If you are stuck, get past
it!
3. Do research. Other folks have achieved what you want to
achieve, they found solutions and made it happen. Learn
from them. Ask questions. Read books, search online. Attend
seminars, take classes, call an expert, hire a coach, but
find out how other people have succeeded and do what they
did.
4. Question your intentions. Why are you stuck? Do you
really want what you say you want? Really? Is there someone
whose opinion disagrees with your goal? Are you sabotaging
yourself because of ambivalence, confusion, or because your
goal conflicts with one of your core values? If so, resolve
this conflict, then clarify new goals and move quickly
forward.
5. Baby steps are OK. This is my personal favorite. When
I'm stuck on a project I truly want, I give myself
permission to make the smallest, simplest, easiest steps
forward. I love BIG solutions and instant answers when I
can find them, but sometimes I have to settle for small,
incremental progress. Sometimes, we have to trust that
"inch by inch, anything's a cinch" and creep forward until
we find a way to make those giant leaps.
The key is never to stop moving! Too often, we confuse
"trying" or worrying, or talking or dreaming with actual
movement. There is no substitute for progress! Only actual
movement takes us forward.
If you have a goal or project that you really want to
achieve, find a way. There's a wonderful quote from
Hannibal, "We will find a way, or make one." Take baby
steps if you must. Ask for help. Try a different way. Hire
a coach. But never, never, never settle for stuck! Giving
up, giving in, settling and sighing with regret are the
only failures. Everything else is success-in-the-making.
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